When a family court orders or recommends that a parent attend therapy together with their teenager, both people usually walk in carrying something heavy. The parent may feel hurt, judged, or anxious about losing the relationship. The teen may feel angry, guarded, or caught between two homes. Parent–teen therapy gives both of you a structured, safe place to be heard and to rebuild trust at a pace that works. This post explains what that work involves, how I approach it, and what to expect before we begin.
This post is part of my overview of court-ordered and court-recommended family therapy. If your order involves both parents working together, see court-ordered co-parenting therapy instead.
What Parent–Teen Therapy Is
Parent–teen therapy is family therapy focused on one relationship: a parent and one or more of their children, all 13 or older. Sessions combine joint meetings with some individual time, and the goal is practical: better communication, repaired trust, and time together that feels safer and more predictable for everyone. It falls under the broader umbrella of family therapy, adapted for the added structure and boundaries a court-involved case requires.
It helps to be clear about what it is not:
Why I Work Only With Teens 13 and Older
I provide this service only when every participating child is 13 or older. Teens at this stage can usually reflect on their own experiences, put feelings into words, notice patterns, and take an active role in repairing a relationship. My approach is built around that kind of two-way conversation. Younger children generally need play-based methods and a clinician who specializes in early childhood. If your younger child needs support, I’m glad to help you find a referral. For broader support for your teen on their own, see my page on therapy for teens.
Situations Where Courts Order or Recommend It
- A teen is reluctant to spend time with a parent. Visits have become tense, cancelled, or refused, and the court wants the relationship addressed rather than ignored.
- Reconnecting after a long gap. Contact faded after a move, a long absence, or a period of little communication. My page on family estrangement therapy covers this pattern in more depth.
- Strain after a high-conflict divorce. Loyalty conflicts, adult conflict that spilled over, or a teen who feels responsible for a parent’s feelings. See also divorce counseling.
- A parent working on concerns the court raised. For example, harsh discipline, reactivity, or other issues a parent is actively addressing, often alongside their own individual therapy.
- New partners and blended households. Tension around a step-parent or new household can strain the parent–teen bond. See blended family therapy.
- Moving beyond supervised visitation. Therapy can be one structured step as a family transitions toward less restricted contact.
When joint sessions may not be appropriate
Joint therapy is only appropriate when it is safe for the teen. If a teen’s reluctance is connected to abuse, violence, or unresolved safety concerns, or if there is an active protective order, starting joint sessions may cause harm. I screen for this before any joint session, and I’m a mandated reporter of suspected child abuse or neglect. A teen’s fear is taken seriously, never treated as an obstacle to push past. This approach is consistent with the AFCC Guidelines for Court-Involved Therapy, which emphasize safety, clear roles, and informed consent for every court-involved therapist.
Both Parents Must Consent
I require written consent from both parents before any session where a child is present. This applies no matter which parent has primary custody, which parent requested therapy, or which parent is paying. I also ask for a copy of the current custody order or parenting plan so our work stays consistent with it.
This isn’t a formality. When one parent doesn’t support therapy, teens often feel they’re betraying that parent simply by attending, and the work stalls. When both parents sign on, even reluctantly, the teen gets permission to engage. The parent who isn’t in the room can also help a great deal by staying neutral and encouraging the teen to give it a fair try.
What Sessions Look Like
- Consultation and paperwork. We review the court order or recommendation, collect both parents’ consent and any needed releases, and sign a fee agreement.
- Parent intake. I meet with the participating parent alone to understand the history, the court’s concerns, and their goals, and to prepare them for what the teen may say.
- Individual time with the teen. I meet with your teen alone first so they can share their perspective without having to manage a parent’s reaction. We talk about what’s confidential and what isn’t before they share anything.
- Joint sessions. Once both are ready, we meet together. Early sessions are short and structured, with clear ground rules; they become more open as trust grows.
- Check-ins and progress review. I continue to check in individually as needed, and we review progress against our goals regularly.
Sessions are usually weekly or every other week, in person in Westwood, MA or Lee, NH, or virtually where appropriate. Many teens find video sessions less intimidating. Read more about virtual therapy, and check with your attorney whether telehealth satisfies your specific order.
What We Work On
Giving your teen a real voice
Teens in court-involved families often feel that adults are making decisions about them, not with them. A central part of this work is creating space where your teen can say difficult things and be heard, without being argued with, corrected, or punished afterward.
Listening without defending
For parents, the hardest skill is often hearing a teen’s version of events without explaining, justifying, or correcting it. We practice reflective listening so your teen experiences you as curious rather than defensive. That single shift often changes the tone of the entire relationship.
Acknowledging and repairing past hurts
Repair starts with acknowledgment. Where it fits, parents learn to take genuine responsibility for their part without over-apologizing or asking the teen to take care of them. My post on forgiveness therapy explains why forgiveness can’t be rushed, and why it isn’t required for a relationship to improve.
Getting out of the middle
Teens frequently feel torn between parents. We work on keeping adult conflict out of your conversations with your teen, so they can have a relationship with you without feeling disloyal to their other parent.
Low-pressure connection
Relationships rebuild through small, positive moments, not just serious talks. We plan shared activities your teen actually enjoys and set realistic expectations for time together outside sessions.
Respecting growing independence
Teens are supposed to be pulling toward independence. Part of the work is helping parents adjust rules and expectations to a teen’s developmental stage, so normal adolescent distance isn’t mistaken for rejection.
Approaches I Draw From
My work is integrative, combining evidence-based methods to fit your family. You can read about how I tailor treatment in the MATCH framework and explore the types of therapy I use. For parent–teen work, the core approaches include:
- Emotionally Focused Family Therapy, which helps parent and teen understand the emotions underneath their conflict and respond to each other’s needs.
- Structural family therapy, which clarifies roles and boundaries, especially important when a teen has been pulled into adult issues.
- Solution-focused family therapy, which builds on moments when things already go a little better.
- Narrative family therapy, which helps separate the family’s story from the problem, so neither person is defined as “the bad guy.”
- Motivational interviewing, which respects a reluctant teen’s ambivalence rather than fighting it.
- Emotion-regulation skills drawn from DBT for teens and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, so both of you can stay calm when conversations get hard.
What Helps Most
From the participating parent
- Patience; trust returns in small steps
- Consistency: showing up on time, every time
- Taking responsibility without demanding forgiveness
- Not asking your teen about the other household
- Supporting your own growth, for example through parent coaching
From the other parent
- Giving written consent and clear permission to engage
- Staying neutral about sessions at home
- Not asking the teen to report what was said
- Getting your teen to sessions reliably
- Getting your own support if this is hard; see therapy for single parents
Hoped-For Outcomes
The goal is a relationship that feels safer and more predictable to both parent and teen. Teens feel heard instead of pressured, and parents learn to listen without becoming defensive. Over time, visits and conversations become less tense, old hurts are acknowledged rather than avoided, and the two of you build shared routines and positive moments that make time together something to look forward to, not just something to get through. Success won’t look the same for every family, and it doesn’t require a perfect relationship. It means a relationship that is honest, steadier, and moving in a better direction.
Practical Details: Confidentiality, Fees, and the Court
Your teen’s privacy
Teens open up when they trust that not everything they say will be repeated. At the start, I explain to everyone what stays between the teen and me, what may be shared in joint sessions with the teen’s agreement, and what can’t stay confidential, such as risk of serious harm or suspected abuse. I don’t use individual sessions to gather information for either parent or for the court.
What the court is told
With signed releases, I can confirm attendance and describe participation and general progress toward treatment goals. I don’t make custody or parenting-time recommendations, assign blame, or report what your teen shared in confidence. Professional standards, including the APA Guidelines for Child Custody Evaluations and the APA Ethics Code, keep the treating therapist’s role separate from the evaluator’s. That separation is what makes therapy safe enough to work.
Fees and court-related time
Anything the court process requires beyond sessions is billed at my hourly rate. That includes reports, letters, attendance summaries, communication with attorneys or guardians ad litem, record review, preparation, and court appearances or testimony, including travel and waiting time. These services are not covered by health insurance, and a retainer may be required. If your order specifies who pays for therapy, we follow it; otherwise, we put the arrangement in writing before we start. My practice policies cover fees and cancellations in more detail.
How to prepare
- A copy of the court order or written recommendation
- Your current parenting plan or custody order
- Written consent from both parents (I’ll provide the forms)
- Contact information for attorneys or a guardian ad litem, if I’ll need to communicate with them
- A few honest notes on what has been hardest in the relationship, and what you hope will change
Frequently Asked Questions
What is court-ordered parent–teen therapy?
Court-ordered parent–teen therapy is family therapy for a parent and one or more teenagers that a family court has required or recommended. It focuses on rebuilding trust, improving communication, and making time together safer and more predictable. In my practice, every participating child must be 13 or older, and both parents must give written consent. It is not a custody evaluation or an investigation, and the teen is never pressured to feel or decide anything on a timeline.
Why do both parents have to consent if only one parent is attending?
Written consent from both parents protects your teen and keeps the process transparent. When one parent hasn’t agreed, teens often feel they’re being disloyal just by showing up, and therapy can turn into another source of conflict or even a legal dispute. With both parents’ consent, your teen gets clear permission to participate honestly. This requirement applies regardless of who has primary custody, who requested therapy, or who pays for sessions.
Why don’t you see children younger than 13?
My approach depends on a teen’s ability to reflect on their experiences, express their own perspective, and take an active part in repairing the relationship. Teens 13 and older can usually do that. Younger children typically benefit more from play-based methods and a clinician who specializes in early childhood family work. If your family includes younger children, I’m glad to help you find an appropriate referral so everyone gets the right kind of support.
What if my teen doesn’t want to come?
Reluctance is common and understandable, and I don’t treat it as defiance. I meet with your teen individually first so they can share their perspective safely, and I use approaches like motivational interviewing that respect ambivalence rather than fight it. If a teen’s reluctance is connected to safety concerns, those are taken seriously and may change the plan. Ongoing refusal is something to discuss with your attorney, since the court decides how to handle it.
Will my teen’s conversations with you be shared with me or the court?
Not without good reason. At the start, I explain what stays private, what might be shared in joint sessions with your teen’s agreement, and what can’t stay confidential, such as risk of serious harm or suspected abuse. With signed releases, the court can receive confirmation of attendance and general progress, but I don’t report what your teen shared in confidence, and I don’t use sessions to gather information for either parent.
Is this the same as reunification therapy?
It overlaps. Reunification therapy usually refers to rebuilding contact between a parent and child after a significant break or refusal, and parent–teen therapy can serve that purpose. My approach is gradual, safety-focused, and respectful of the teen’s voice. I don’t use coercive methods or impose deadlines for reconciliation. Where safety concerns are unresolved, joint sessions may not be appropriate until the court or other professionals have addressed them.
How long does parent–teen therapy take?
It varies with how long the relationship has been strained, what the court requires, and how ready each person is. Some orders specify a number of sessions; others call for participation until goals are met. Many families notice the tone shifting within the first several joint sessions, while deeper repair takes longer. We set specific goals at the start and review them regularly. See how long therapy takes for more on timelines.
Who pays for court reports and appearances?
The client does. Anything the court process requires beyond sessions, including reports, letters, attendance summaries, communication with attorneys or guardians ad litem, record review, preparation, and court appearances or testimony, is billed at my hourly rate, including travel and waiting time. These services aren’t covered by health insurance, and a retainer may be required. If your order assigns therapy costs, we follow it; otherwise we agree on the arrangement in writing before starting.
Further Reading
- Guidelines for Court-Involved Therapy: A Best Practice Approach for Mental Health Professionals, Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC), Family Court Review
- Guidelines for Child Custody Evaluations in Family Law Proceedings, American Psychological Association
- Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct, American Psychological Association
- Children and Divorce (Facts for Families), American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
- Which type of family therapy is right for you?
- Mother–daughter therapy (outside of a court context)
Ready to Start Rebuilding?
Schedule a free phone consultation. Have your court order or recommendation handy, and we’ll talk through whether parent–teen therapy with me is the right fit. You can also learn more about my background or return to the overview of court-ordered family therapy services.
Schedule a Free ConsultationI am not an attorney and cannot provide legal advice. Please consult your attorney about the requirements of your specific court order.
Alan Jacobson, Psy.D., MBA, is a licensed clinical psychologist and Director of the Foresight Psychological Institute.
