Family estrangement is a complex and painful experience where individuals or groups become emotionally or physically distant from each other, often due to unresolved conflicts, differing values, or harmful behavior. It can happen between parents and children, siblings (“Adult sibling estrangement“), or extended family members. I provide individual therapy for individuals working through these issues, couples therapy for estranged parents, and family therapy for adult child estrangement when the goal is reconciliation or increased understanding.

Family Estrangement Overview

Family estrangement can be triggered by various factors, such as:

  1. Abuse: Emotional, physical, or psychological abuse can lead to a break in the relationship.
  2. Unresolved conflict: Long-standing arguments or disagreements that have never been fully addressed.
  3. Toxic behavior: Patterns of manipulation, control, or disrespect that make maintaining a relationship unhealthy.
  4. Different values or lifestyles: Disagreements on personal choices, beliefs, or life decisions can cause rifts.
  5. Poor communication: Lack of communication or ineffective communication can deepen misunderstandings.

Emotional Impact

The emotional impact of family estrangement can be profound, often leading to feelings of grief, guilt, anger, and loneliness. For some, the split is necessary for personal well-being; for others, it’s a painful loss they hope to heal from. I offer several types of therapy for adult-child estrangement, including for clients who seek individual therapy to address their feelings and whether reconciliation is possible, as well as couples and families who want to process things together.

Family Therapy for Adult Child Estrangement

A course of family therapy for adult child estrangement can be a powerful tool for healing, especially when the relationship has become strained over time but has not broken. As the family navigates changing dynamics and unresolved issues, therapy for family estrangement can provide a neutral space to work through emotions, misunderstandings, and any past hurts that have led to the current situation. The emotional wounds may run deep, and parents and children may feel hurt, frustrated, or resentful.

Here’s how family therapy can help in the case of adult child estrangement:

1. Creating a Safe, Neutral Space

Family treatment can provide a safe, neutral environment where both parties — the parent(s) and the adult child — can express their feelings without fear of judgment or escalation. I help guide the conversation to stay constructive and focused on understanding each other rather than getting lost in blame or anger.

2. Addressing Past Wounds

These situations often result from unresolved conflicts, misunderstandings, or harmful behavior. Treatment can help identify the root causes, whether it’s poor communication, childhood trauma, unmet needs, or value differences. The adult child and the parents need to acknowledge and address any past wounds that might still affect their relationship today.

3. Improving Communication Skills

Miscommunication is common in these relationships, and therapy for adult child estrangement can teach both sides how to communicate more effectively. Parents and adult children may struggle with speaking openly, listening actively, or expressing themselves without judgment. I can teach them how to have difficult conversations, set healthy boundaries, and respect each other’s feelings. Psychotherapy can help each person communicate in a way that promotes understanding rather than conflict.

4. Exploring the Impact of Family Estrangement

The pain of these splits can often go unspoken. Parents may feel rejected or hurt, and adult children may feel unheard or unsupported. Treatment gives both sides the chance to talk about how things have impacted their mental health, their feelings of loss, and any emotions they’ve been holding back. This can help everyone recognize the deep emotional toll the estrangement has caused and find ways to process those feelings.

5. Understanding Each Other’s Perspectives

One of the key goals of family therapy is for everyone involved to understand the other person’s perspective better. Parents might see their behavior as protective or well-intentioned, while adult children may feel stifled or misunderstood. Our meetngs can help both sides realize that their intentions, while different, come from a place of caring or fear. This deeper understanding can create the foundation for healing.

6. Exploring Boundaries and Expectations for Family Estrangement Therapy

One challenge in these relationships, especially with adult children, is setting healthy boundaries. Sometimes, parents struggle to relinquish control or have difficulty respecting their adult child’s autonomy. Similarly, adult children may need help learning to set clear boundaries with their parents without feeling guilty. Therapy can help both parties navigate these tricky waters, ensuring that boundaries are respected and that expectations are realistic.

7. Deciding on Reconciliation or Acceptance

In some cases, treatment may reveal that reconciliation is not possible or healthy, especially if there are patterns of toxic behavior or abuse. In such situations, therapy can help parents and adult children understand the relationship and learn how to find closure or acceptance. The goal may shift from reconciliation to learning how to live in a way that allows everyone to heal.

8. Rebuilding Trust After Family Estrangement

If the split is rooted in broken trust, emotionally-focused family therapy can slowly rebuild that trust. This might involve acknowledging past wrongs, apologizing, and committing to change. Trust is often not rebuilt overnight, but therapy for adult child estrangement can provide the framework for starting that process healthily and constructively.

9. After Therapy for Adult Child Estrangement: Improving the Future

Even if full reconciliation isn’t possible immediately, therapy can help create a blueprint for healthier future interactions. This could involve understanding when to step back, respecting each other’s needs, and knowing when to engage or disengage.

Is Family Estrangement Therapy Right for You?

For family estrangement therapy to be effective, both the parents and the adult child need to be willing to participate. It can be tough if one party is hesitant or resistant to the process, especially if the situation is due to deep hurt or unresolved issues. However, even if only one party is open, it can still be beneficial for gaining perspective and healing individual wounds.

Family therapy for adult child estrangement might be a good idea if:

  • All parties are willing to explore the reasons behind the difficulties.
  • There’s a desire to heal or improve the relationship, even by setting healthy boundaries.
  • There’s an openness to difficult conversations, apologies, and forgiveness.

Approaches to Family Estrangement Therapy

Family estrangement therapy can be beneficial when navigating complex emotions. It provides a safe space to explore the feelings of hurt, anger, grief, or even relief that often accompany such situations. I can help you process those emotions, understand the dynamics that led to the current situation, and guide you in deciding whether reconciliation is possible or healthy for you.

There are a few different approaches that therapy for adult child estrangement might take in these situations:

  1. Individual Treatment for Adult Child Estrangement can help you work through your personal feelings, manage stress or anxiety related to estrangement, and improve your coping strategies. I can help you explore your emotions, your family history, and how the estrangement has impacted your mental health.
  2. Family Treatment for Adult Child Estrangement: If you’re open to reconciliation or simply want to understand the dynamics at play, family treatment can provide a neutral space where you and your family members can express your feelings and work toward understanding each other. However, this can only work if all parties are willing to engage.
  3. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for therapy for adult child estrangement can help reframe negative thought patterns that may have developed. It could also help process guilt, anger, or resentment and learn how to approach these emotions in a healthier way.
  4. Trauma-Informed Therapy for Adult Child Estrangement: If your relationships were hurt by any form of abuse or deep emotional harm, trauma-informed therapy can be essential in healing from those experiences. It can help you understand the impact of trauma and develop strategies for self-care and rebuilding your sense of safety and well-being.

Therapy for adult child estrangement can also help with practical aspects, like setting boundaries, managing expectations, or deciding whether to reach out to estranged family members and, if so, how.

Therapy for Estranged Parents

A course of therapy for estranged parents is a unique and often difficult journey. Parents going through estrangement often feel a deep sense of loss, confusion, and guilt, especially if the reasons for the estrangement are unclear or seem beyond their control. Therapy for estranged parents can help these parents process their emotions, gain clarity, and possibly work toward healing — whether that’s within the family or just for their own peace of mind.

Here’s how therapy for estranged parents can be beneficial:

  1. Understanding and Processing Emotions: Parents may feel grief, anger, sadness, or helplessness. Therapy for estranged parents can provide a space to talk through those emotions and understand why they’re feeling the way they are. Parents need to have an outlet for these feelings so they don’t build up in unhealthy ways.
  2. Gaining Perspective: Sometimes, parents struggle to understand the reasons behind the estrangement or do not fully grasp their role. In therapy for estranged parents, I can help them gain perspective, look at things from their child’s point of view, and process any unhealthy patterns or dynamics that might have contributed.
  3. Improving Communication: One of the biggest challenges is often communication. In therapy for estranged parents, parents can learn healthy communication skills—expressing themselves without triggering defensive reactions, listening actively, and respecting boundaries.
  4. Healing and Self-Care: Therapy for estranged parents can help them focus on their healing process, which is crucial. Whether things are temporary or permanent, couples therapy can help them find ways to cope with the emotional fallout and rebuild their emotional well-being. Sometimes, focusing on self-compassion and rebuilding a sense of identity outside the family dynamic can be essential for recovery.
  5. Exploring Reconciliation: If a parent wants to rebuild the relationship, therapy for estranged parents can help them explore how (or if) reconciliation might be possible. Sometimes, parents may need help understanding if they’re ready to reconnect, if their child is open to it, or if the relationship is better left in its current state for everyone’s well-being.
  6. Setting Boundaries and Managing Expectations: Therapy for estranged parents can help them understand how to set healthy boundaries with their children, especially if there’s been toxic behavior or unresolved conflict. It can also help them manage expectations — sometimes, the goal of therapy for estranged parents is not necessarily to reconcile but to come to terms with the relationship as it stands.

Is Therapy for Estranged Parents Right for You?

It’s important to have clear goals going into therapy for estranged parents, whether it’s healing emotionally, improving communication, or finding closure. Therapy isn’t a guarantee of reconciliation, but it can offer tools and insights that make it easier to process the complex emotions involved. If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, this can be a constructive way to work through those feelings, whether the ultimate goal is reconnection or acceptance.

Therapy for Adult Sibling Estrangement

Treatment for adult sibling estrangement can be incredibly beneficial, as sibling relationships can be deeply impactful and sometimes quite complex. Siblings becoming estranged can stem from years of unresolved conflict, miscommunication, or differing values. However, siblings can also experience intense love and loyalty toward each other, which makes adult sibling estrangement especially painful.

Adult sibling estrangement therapy can help estranged siblings navigate their relationship in several key ways:

  1. Addressing Underlying Issues: Sometimes, adult sibling estrangement results from deeper issues—whether those are longstanding family dynamics, past trauma, jealousy, or resentment. Therapy can help both siblings understand the root causes of their conflict. By unpacking the emotions tied to these issues, they can gain insight into their behavior and how it may have contributed. This can help both sides approach the situation with more empathy and understanding.
  2. Improving Communication: Miscommunication and misunderstandings are often at the heart of adult sibling estrangement. In therapy, siblings can improve their communication skills — learning to express their feelings without blaming or escalating conflict, listening actively, and communicating their needs healthily.
  3. Rebuilding Trust: If siblings have broken trust, therapy can provide a framework for rebuilding it. Rebuilding trust often involves acknowledging past wrongs, taking accountability, and demonstrating a willingness to change. Therapy can also help both siblings identify their emotional needs and learn how to meet them in a way that fosters trust, even if it takes time.
  4. Setting Boundaries: In some cases, siblings may need to set clear boundaries with one another, especially if the adult sibling estrangement is tied to toxic behavior or manipulation. Treatment can help siblings navigate setting these boundaries while respecting one another’s individuality. It can also help siblings understand that boundaries don’t necessarily mean the end of the relationship; they can be part of a healthy and respectful dynamic.
  5. Exploring Reconciliation or Closure: Adult sibling estrangement therapy can provide a space to explore whether reconciliation is possible — or if it’s healthier for the siblings to move on from the relationship. Sometimes, therapy reveals that reconciliation may not be realistic, and the goal may shift toward finding closure or acceptance. Whether they reconcile or not, treatment can help siblings process their feelings and achieve peace.
  6. Emotional Healing: The emotional impact of adult sibling estrangement can leave deep scars. Treatment can support each sibling’s healing process, whether that involves dealing with feelings of rejection, guilt, anger, or sadness. Sometimes, healing may also mean coming to terms with the loss of what the sibling relationship could have been.
  7. Family Therapy: Family therapy might be helpful if the adult sibling estrangement is part of a broader family dynamic. Family therapy can help identify and address patterns in family communication that contribute. If the whole family is involved, it might create a more holistic understanding of the issues at play.
  8. Neutral Mediator: In cases where siblings struggle to speak to each other, I can act as a neutral mediator, providing a safe space for both sides to share their perspectives without feeling attacked. This can be especially helpful if the siblings are stuck in a cycle of blame or if they are struggling to open up to each other on their own.

Is Adult Sibling Estrangement Therapy Right for You?

If you’re considering therapy for adult sibling estrangement, it’s important to check if both siblings are open to the idea. Therapy works best when both parties are willing to engage in the process, so having an honest conversation about why therapy could be helpful is a good first step. Sometimes, one sibling may need to go through individual therapy first, especially if the estrangement is tied to personal trauma or deep emotional pain.

Whether or not reconciliation is the ultimate goal, adult sibling estrangement therapy can provide healing and a path forward, whether they end up reconnecting or learning to live with the residual feelings healthily.

Summary and My Work

I offer multiple types of therapy for adult child estrangement. I mix in techniques, including solution-focused family therapy and narrative family therapy. This treatment can be helpful for individuals, parents, siblings, and the entire family.

If you have questions about therapy for adult child estrangement or family estrangement in general or would like more information about my services, please contact me or schedule a consultation anytime.

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Dr. Alan Jacobson Founder and President
Dr. Jacobson is a licensed clinical psychologist providing individual, couples, and family therapy for over 20 years. He uses an integrative approach. choosing from a variety of proven and powerful therapeutic methods.