Sibling relationships are often the longest-lasting family connections in a person’s life. However, they can also be complex, shaped by childhood dynamics, family roles, and life transitions. Adult sibling therapy offers a space to address these dynamics, heal past wounds, and build healthier, more supportive relationships. I provide family therapy for adult siblings, and my virtual approach allows me to see people who live in different places. This post goes over some common reasons people seek this form of treatment and some common exercises for adult siblings in therapy to give you an idea of what treatment might be like.
Adult Sibling Therapy Overview 
The following provides a basic overview of family therapy for adult siblings. As you will see, most of the techniques and exercises for adult siblings in therapy follow other family therapy methods but are uniquely tailored to sibling dynamics.
Why Adult Sibling Therapy
- Unresolved Childhood Dynamics: Rivalry, favoritism, or competition can linger into adulthood.
- Life Transitions: Events like aging parents, inheritance disputes, or caregiving responsibilities can strain relationships.
- Communication Breakdowns: Misunderstandings and poor communication habits formed in childhood can persist.
- Grief and Loss: Losing a parent or other family member can bring families closer or drive them apart.
- Estrangement or Distance: Therapy can help reconnect estranged relationships or navigate intentional distance.
Goals of Adult Sibling Therapy
- Improve communication skills
- Heal past emotional wounds
- Understand and redefine sibling roles
- Navigate caregiving and family responsibilities
- Foster empathy and mutual respect
- Build healthier boundaries
Therapeutic Approaches Commonly Used:
- Family Systems Therapy: Explores family roles and how they impact sibling relationships.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps reframe negative thought patterns.
- Narrative Therapy: Encourages siblings to share their perspectives and rewrite their shared “family story.”
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Focuses on creating secure emotional bonds between siblings.
The techniques and exercises for adult siblings in therapy I choose are often a mix of the above, uniquely formulated to the family’s needs.
Signs It Might Be Time for Therapy:
- Frequent misunderstandings or arguments
- Long periods of estrangement
- Difficulty discussing emotional topics
- Feeling like you “walk on eggshells” around each other
- Wanting closeness but not knowing how to achieve it
- A life transition has occurred
How to Start Adult Sibling Therapy:
- Discuss Goals Openly: Identify what you hope to achieve from therapy (this can be done in the first session.
- Decide on Individual vs. Joint Sessions: Sometimes, it’s helpful to start individually before meeting together.
- Commit to the Process: Healing relationships takes time and effort. You may get homework exercises for adult siblings in therapy that everyone must do.
Family Therapy for Adult Siblings Experiencing Conflict
Conflict between adult siblings is common and can stem from deep-rooted dynamics, life transitions, or current disagreements. Therapy for adult siblings can provide tools to address these conflicts constructively, rebuild trust, and improve communication.
Common Causes of Conflict
- Childhood Roles and Rivalries: Old patterns (e.g., the “golden child” vs. the “rebel”) can resurface in adulthood.
- Parental Favoritism: Perceptions of unequal treatment by parents can create long-term resentment.
- Inheritance and Financial Disputes: Disagreements over wills, estates, or financial responsibilities often cause tension.
- Caregiving Responsibilities: Uneven distribution of care for aging parents can lead to feelings of unfairness.
- Life Choices and Values: Differing lifestyles, parenting styles, or values may cause judgment or friction.
- Communication Breakdowns: Poor communication habits can escalate minor issues into major rifts.
- Unresolved Trauma or Grief: Shared family traumas or loss can bring up emotions that manifest as conflict.
How Adult Sibling Therapy Can Help Resolve Conflict
- Facilitating Open Communication: I create a neutral space where both sides can express their feelings without interruption or judgment.
- Identifying Core Issues: The process uncovers the root causes of the conflict rather than just surface-level arguments.
- Setting Boundaries: Learning to set and respect healthy emotional and physical boundaries is key to preventing further conflict.
- Developing Empathy: Families can learn to see situations from each other’s perspectives. Several exercises for adult siblings in therapy are explicitly designed to do this.
- Conflict Resolution Skills: I provide tools for managing disagreements without escalating tension.
- Healing Old Wounds: Addressing past hurts and validating each other’s experiences can lead to forgiveness.
Sibling Therapy Approaches to Manage Conflict
- Family Systems Therapy: Examines how family roles and structures influence sibling conflict.
- Mediation-Based Therapy: A structured approach focusing on compromise and resolution.
- Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT): Helps reframe negative assumptions about each other.
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Strengthens emotional bonds by addressing attachment needs.
Exercises for Adult Siblings in Therapy Due to Conflict Conflict
- Reflect on Your Role: Acknowledge your contributions to the conflict.
- Reach Out with Openness: Express a willingness to resolve the issue without blame.
- Focus on Specific Issues: Exercises for adult siblings in therapy often address one problem at a time instead of generalizing.
- Set Clear Boundaries: Know your limits and communicate them respectfully.
- Prioritize Active Listening: Make an effort to hear others’ perspectives truly.
- Agree on Ground Rules: Establish discussion guidelines (e.g., no yelling, taking breaks when needed).
Adult Sibling Therapy for Caretaking and Loss
When aging parents require care or after a significant family loss, relationships can be deeply affected. These situations often reveal old patterns, unspoken resentments, and emotional vulnerabilities. Family therapy for adult siblings can provide tools for siblings to work together, manage responsibilities, and support each other through grief.
Common Challenges in Caregiving and Grief
- Unequal Division of Responsibilities: One person may feel burdened while others contribute less.
- Differing Expectations: There may be contrasting views on caregiving approaches or funeral arrangements.
- Old Family Roles Resurfacing: Childhood roles (e.g., the responsible one, the carefree one) can re-emerge.
- Resentment and Guilt: Feelings of guilt for not doing enough or resentment towards others perceived as absent can fester.
- Emotional Responses to Grief: Everyone grieves differently—some may withdraw, while others might become overly controlling.
- Financial Disputes: Costs related to caregiving, funerals, or inheritance can cause tension.
How Exercises for Adult Siblings in Therapy Can Help with Caregiving and Grief
- Facilitating Open Dialogue: Family therapy for adult siblings provides a neutral space for siblings to share feelings and frustrations.
- Clarifying Roles and Responsibilities: Families can define clear caregiving tasks together.
- Processing Grief Together: Family therapy for adult siblings helps validate different grieving styles and foster emotional connection.
- Managing Resentment and Guilt: Addressing these emotions prevents them from causing further damage to relationships.
- Improving Communication Skills: I teach each member to express needs and boundaries respectfully.
- Creating a Unified Plan: Family therapy for adult siblings can help siblings agree on care strategies or financial arrangements.
Key Exercises for Adult Siblings in Therapy for Caregiving and Grief
1. Open and Honest Communication:
- Regular family meetings to discuss updates and responsibilities.
- Share feelings without judgment.
2. Acknowledge Different Grieving Styles:
- Understand that everyone processes grief uniquely.
- Avoid criticizing how another sibling expresses (or suppresses) their grief.
3. Share Responsibilities Fairly:
- Play to each other’s strengths (e.g., one might handle finances while another provides emotional support).
- If possible, involve professional caregiving to help reduce the burden.
4. Address Financial Concerns Early:
- Be transparent about expenses and inheritance expectations.
- Use a mediator if disagreements arise.
5. Show Compassion for Each Other:
- Remember that stress and sadness can make emotions run high.
- Extend grace and understanding during difficult moments.
Sibling Therapy Approaches for Caregiving and Grief Conflicts
- Family Systems Therapy: Addresses family roles and how they impact caregiving and grief dynamics.
- Grief Counseling: Helps the family process loss together.
- Mediation Therapy: Supports resolving practical disputes (e.g., financial concerns).
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Strengthens emotional bonds during vulnerable times.
Tips for Starting the Conversation
- Choose a neutral time and space to talk.
- Use “I” statements (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed with caregiving duties”).
- Be clear about your needs and ask about theirs.
- Suggest adult sibling therapy if conversations become too tense or unproductive.
Adult Sibling Therapy to Improve Closeness and Communication
Family therapy for adult siblings and intentional effort can help siblings rebuild trust, deepen emotional bonds, and communicate more effectively.
What’s Behind the Struggle with Closeness and Communication?
- Busy Lives: Careers, relationships, and parenting often leave little time for connection.
- Childhood Patterns Persist: Roles established in childhood can prevent authentic adult relationships.
- Unresolved Conflicts: Past grievances, even unspoken ones, can create emotional distance.
- Different Communication Styles: Individuals may express themselves in vastly different ways.
- Geographical Distance: Living far apart can make maintaining closeness challenging.
- Fear of Vulnerability: Opening up emotionally might feel risky, especially if past attempts weren’t well-received.
Benefits of Sibling Therapy for Adults Struggling with Closeness and Communication
- Increased emotional support during life’s challenges
- Stronger family connections for future generations (e.g., cousins bonding)
- Reduced resentment or misunderstandings
- Enhanced ability to collaborate during family transitions (e.g., caregiving for parents)
How Family Therapy for Adult Siblings Can Help
- Facilitating Safe Conversations: I create a neutral, judgment-free space for open dialogue.
- Addressing Misunderstandings: Past miscommunications are clarified and reframed.
- Identifying Emotional Barriers: The group explores what prevents them from opening up or staying connected.
- Teaching Active Listening Skills: Members learn to listen without interrupting or dismissing feelings.
- Practicing Vulnerability: Adult sibling therapy encourages honest emotional expression in a safe setting.
- Establishing Boundaries: Healthy boundaries foster respect and reduce unnecessary conflict.
Exercises for Adult Siblings in Therapy to Strengthen Closeness and Communication
1. Make Time for Regular Connection:
- Schedule phone calls, video chats, or meetups.
- Celebrate milestones (e.g., birthdays, promotions).
2. Practice Active Listening:
- Listen without interrupting.
- Reflect back what you hear (e.g., “It sounds like you felt hurt when that happened”).
3. Address Resentments Directly:
- Bring up old hurts calmly and with a focus on resolution.
- Use “I” statements to express your feelings (e.g., “I felt left out when…”).
4. Share More About Your Life:
- Open up about your challenges and successes.
- Invite your sibling to do the same.
5. Accept Differences:
- Respect others might have different values, parenting styles, or life choices.
- Focus on what connects you rather than what divides you.
6. Create New Traditions:
- Plan sibling trips, game nights, or regular dinners.
- Build rituals that create positive shared memories.
Sibling Therapy Techniques for Closeness and Communication:
- Family Systems Therapy: Examines how past family roles impact present dynamics.
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Builds emotional safety and connection.
- Narrative Therapy: Helps siblings reframe shared stories in a healthier light.
- Conflict Resolution Therapy: Provides tools to navigate disagreements constructively.
Adult Sibling Therapy Case Example
Maria (35) and Alex (38) are adult siblings who have been increasingly distant over the past five years. Growing up, Alex was seen as the “responsible” older sibling, while Maria was labeled the “free spirit.” Their parents unintentionally reinforced these roles, often relying on Alex for serious matters and dismissing Maria’s concerns as overly emotional.
Recently, their mother has started requiring more care. Alex, who lives nearby, has taken on most of the caregiving responsibilities, while Maria, who lives in another state, contributes financially but visits infrequently.
The Conflict:
- Alex’s Perspective: Alex feels overwhelmed and abandoned by Maria, believing she isn’t pulling her weight in caring for their mother. Alex feels unappreciated and resentful.
- Maria’s Perspective: Maria feels excluded from decisions and judged by Alex for not living closer. She believes her financial contributions go unnoticed and feels hurt when Alex brushes off her emotional concerns.
Their interactions have become strained, with conversations often escalating into arguments or ending in silence.
Adult Sibling Therapy Techniques Chosen
- Family Systems Therapy:
- I helped them recognize how their childhood roles (responsible vs. free spirit) were still influencing their interactions.
- Maria expressed feeling dismissed in family discussions, while Alex admitted to feeling burdened by always being the responsible one.
- Conflict Resolution Techniques:
- Both siblings learned to express concerns using “I” statements instead of accusations (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed when I’m the only one managing Mom’s care” instead of “You never help”).
- They created a shared caregiving plan where Maria committed to scheduled visits and remote tasks (e.g., managing bills, coordinating medical appointments).
- Emotional Processing:
- Maria shared her feelings of guilt for not living closer and her fear of being seen as “less caring.”
- Alex admitted to feeling lonely in their shared responsibilities and afraid of asking for help.
- Communication Tools:
- They established weekly check-in calls to discuss caregiving updates and emotional needs.
- They agreed to approach disagreements with curiosity rather than defensiveness.
Outcome of Family Therapy for Adult Siblings
Over time, Alex began to trust Maria’s contributions, and Maria felt more included in caregiving decisions. Both acknowledged their mutual efforts and validated each other’s challenges. They started rebuilding their relationship with more empathy, open communication, and a shared sense of responsibility.
Key Takeaways from This Case:
- Childhood roles can persist into adulthood and affect dynamics.
- Open, structured communication can reduce misunderstandings.
- Caregiving responsibilities must be distributed fairly based on each person’s capacity.
- Emotional validation fosters trust and reduces resentment.
Summary and My Work
I provide family therapy for adult siblings virtually so everyone can attend, even if they live in different places. I also define “siblings” somewhat generally since there may be close cousins or others who would be included. This psychotherapy approach is active and moves fast, often with meaningful results coming quickly. The fact that I often assign homework exercises for adult siblings in therapy speeds the process but also requires a commitment from all.
For more information about adult sibling therapy or any type of family therapy, please feel free to contact me or schedule a consultation anytime.
