Marriage counseling, or marriage therapy, helps couples navigate challenges in their relationships and improve their connection and contentment. The goal is to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and strengthen emotional bonds. I offer online marriage counseling to couples in a committed relationship, pre-marriage counseling before they fully commit, and compatibility testing. This post goes over these services in detail, and I have a page dedicated to the more general couples therapy, but if you have specific questions or want to talk about how these services could benefit you and your spouse, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me or schedule a consultation.
When to Consider Marriage Counseling
Marriage therapy can be a valuable tool for couples at various stages of their relationship, whether facing challenges, navigating transitions, or simply seeking to strengthen their bond. Here are key indicators that it might be time to consider in-person or online marriage counseling:
1. Communication Problems
Frequent misunderstandings or misinterpretations.
Conversations often turn into arguments or become overly defensive.
One or both partners avoid discussing important issues.
Silent treatment or passive-aggressive behavior becomes common.
Example: Simple discussions about daily tasks escalate into heated arguments.
2. Trust Issues
Infidelity (emotional or physical).
Dishonesty about finances, activities, or feelings.
Difficulty rebuilding trust after a betrayal.
Example: A partner lied about a significant purchase, and now there’s lingering doubt about their transparency.
3. Lack of Intimacy or Affection
Decreased physical affection or sexual intimacy.
Emotional disconnection or feelings of loneliness within the relationship.
Partners feel more like roommates than romantic partners.
Adjusting to major life events (e.g., parenthood, job loss, retirement, relocation).
Difficulty navigating changes in roles and responsibilities.
Increased stress putting pressure on the relationship.
Example: The birth of a child has created tension due to unequal sharing of responsibilities. (In this case, I can also mix in parent coaching and therapy.)
6. Emotional Distance or Feeling Alone
Feeling unsupported by your partner.
Emotional needs are not being met.
Feeling lonely even when spending time together.
Example: You confide more in friends or family than in your partner.
7. Financial Disagreements
Ongoing conflicts about budgeting, spending, or saving.
Financial dishonesty or hidden debts.
Different financial priorities cause tension.
Example: One partner prioritizes saving, while the other frequently overspends.
8. Parenting Conflicts
Disagreements over parenting styles or discipline.
One partner feels unsupported in parenting decisions.
Parenting stress spills over into the marital relationship.
Example: One parent is lenient while the other enforces strict rules, leading to frequent arguments.
9. Considering Separation or Divorce
Thoughts or discussions about separation are becoming more frequent.
Staying together feels more like an obligation than a choice.
Partners feel emotionally checked out from the relationship.
Example: One or both partners have started imagining life apart.
10. You Want to Improve Your Relationship
Even without major issues, you want to enhance your connection.
Strengthening communication skills.
Learning to prevent future conflicts.
Example: You’re preparing for marriage or a major transition and want a strong foundation.
When Immediate Help is Necessary:
Abuse: Emotional, physical, or verbal abuse. (Safety should always come first.)
Addiction Issues: Substance abuse or other compulsive behaviors impacting the relationship.
Mental Health Crises: Severe depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts affecting either partner.
Marriage counseling isn’t just for relationships on the brink of collapse—it’s a valuable resource for couples facing challenges, navigating change, or wanting to grow together. Seeking marriage guidance early can prevent small problems from turning into deep fractures.
Results of Marriage Counseling
There are many potential positive outcomes of marriage therapy, such as:
1. Marriage Therapy for Communication Improvement
Many issues in marriages stem from poor communication. Couples counseling teaches couples how to listen to each other, express their feelings clearly, and avoid destructive communication patterns.
2. Marriage Guidance During Conflict
Often, a couple experiences some conflict or a series of conflicts before coming in for marriage counseling. In session, they are taught strategies for handling disagreements constructively, aiming to reach compromises that satisfy both partners instead of escalating conflicts.
3. Emotional Healing Through Marriage Counseling
For couples dealing with emotional wounds like betrayal, mistrust, or past trauma, marriage counseling provides a safe space to work through these feelings with the guidance of a neutral third party.
4. Rebuilding Intimacy in Marriage Counseling
Emotional and physical intimacy may fade over time. I help couples rekindle their connection by addressing unmet needs, improving closeness, and fostering a sense of partnership.
5. Marriage Guidance During Major Life Changes
Major transitions such as having children, financial issues, or health challenges can strain a relationship. Marriage counseling can help couples adjust to these changes together.
6. Tools for Long-Term Success
Marriage counseling addresses immediate issues and equips couples with tools for future challenges, such as empathy-building exercises and problem-solving techniques.
There are also specific times when marriage guidance can help, such as managing holiday anxiety.
Online Marriage Counseling Approaches
The majority of what I do is online marriage counseling since that gives me a chance to serve more people who feel I am a good fit and is particularly helpful when couples need to do therapy from different places due to work or other scheduling issues. Here are the approaches I use that are equally effective with online therapy. There are several approaches to online marriage counseling, each with theories, techniques, and focus areas. Here are some of the most commonly used online marriage therapy approaches I use:
Focus: Emotionally Focused Therapy emphasizes the emotional connection between partners and is a cornerstone online marriage counseling approach.
Goal: To identify and change negative patterns in emotional responses that disrupt relationships.
Techniques: I help couples recognize their emotional needs and teach them how to express vulnerability in a way that strengthens their bond. EFT is based on attachment theory and helps build secure, loving attachments between partners.
Best for: Couples who feel disconnected or are experiencing emotional distance.
Focus: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy examines how thoughts, behaviors, and feelings influence relationships.
Goal: To change unhelpful patterns of thinking and behavior that contribute to conflict or dissatisfaction in the relationship.
Techniques: Couples are taught how to identify negative thought patterns and reframe them in healthier ways. They also practice effective problem-solving and communication techniques.
Best for: Couples dealing with specific issues like frequent arguments, anger, or miscommunication.
Focus: Imago Therapy integrates spiritual and behavioral perspectives and focuses on how early childhood experiences shape relationships.
Goal: To transform conflict into an opportunity for healing and growth by understanding underlying emotional needs.
Techniques: Couples participate in structured dialogues, where they mirror, validate, and empathize with each other’s feelings. The focus is on understanding each partner’s childhood wounds and how they affect the relationship.
Best for: Couples seeking a deep exploration of emotional triggers and relational patterns rooted in the past.
Focus: This approach is future-oriented and focuses on solutions rather than dwelling on past issues.
Goal: To identify what works well in the relationship and build on those strengths.
Techniques: I provide marriage guidance so couples can set specific, achievable goals and work on amplifying positive behaviors rather than analyzing problems. Sessions are often shorter and more goal-directed.
Best for: Couples who want quick, practical strategies to improve their relationship.
Focus: Narrative therapy encourages couples to reframe their stories about their relationship and each other.
Goal: To separate the couple from the problems they are facing by viewing problems as external entities rather than intrinsic to the relationship.
Techniques: Couples are encouraged to “rewrite” their story more positively and empoweringly. The therapist helps them see their problems in a broader context and change negative narratives.
Best for: Couples who feel stuck in negative patterns and want a fresh perspective on their relationship.
6. Psychodynamic Marriage Counseling
Focus: Psychodynamic therapy is based on the idea that unconscious forces and unresolved conflicts from the past influence current relationships.
Goal: To bring these unconscious issues to the surface and help couples understand how they affect their relationship.
Techniques: I work with couples to explore their past experiences and unresolved emotions, identifying patterns that may drive negative interactions. This self-awareness helps partners make conscious changes.
Best for: Couples interested in exploring deep emotional issues and the impact of past relationships on their current dynamics.
7. Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT)
Focus: This approach integrates traditional behavioral therapy with acceptance-based strategies.
Goal: To help couples change negative behavior patterns and learn to accept each other’s differences rather than trying to change them.
Techniques: Couples are taught communication skills, problem-solving techniques, and ways to increase positive interactions. The focus is also on helping partners understand and accept challenging aspects of each other’s personalities.
Best for: Couples dealing with chronic conflicts or differences in personality.
Focus: This approach emphasizes balance, helping individuals understand their personal needs while maintaining the integrity of the relationship.
Goal: To guide couples toward more conscious, intimate relationships by focusing on authenticity, respect, and equality.
Techniques: I use direct feedback and coaching to address power imbalances, unhealthy dynamics, or distorted views of intimacy.
Best for: Couples who are struggling with power imbalances or emotional withdrawal.
Each online marriage counseling approach offers different tools and strategies to address unique relationship challenges. The choice of method often depends on your specific needs and what resonates most with both partners. There are also more specific approaches, such as attachment therapy for couples who experienced trauma in childhood.
Marriage Therapy Example
Here’s an example of how a marriage therapy session might unfold using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) as the approach. This fictional online marriage counseling example shows how I might help a couple reconnect emotionally.
Online Marriage Counseling Case Scenario:
Sarah and David have been married for seven years, but they’ve become emotionally distant lately. Sarah feels David is too withdrawn, while David feels that Sarah is constantly critical. They chose online marriage counseling because it is easiest for Sarah to join from work.
Marriage Counseling Session 1: Understanding the Problem
Me: “Welcome, Sarah and David. I understand you’re feeling disconnected. Could each of you share your perspective on what’s happening in your relationship?”
Sarah: “I feel like David is never really present. He’s either on his phone or lost in his thoughts when we’re together. It makes me feel like I’m not important to him.”
David: “It’s not that I don’t care, I just feel like no matter what I do, it’s never enough for Sarah. I no longer know how to make her happy, so I withdraw to avoid more arguments.”
Me: “Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you’re both caught in a cycle where Sarah feels neglected and David feels criticized, leading to more distance. This is common, and we can work on breaking this pattern. Let’s explore your emotions deeper.”
Marriage Counseling Session 2: Sharing Vulnerable Emotions
Me: “David, when Sarah says you seem distant, how does that make you feel?”
David: “I feel overwhelmed. Like I can’t meet her expectations. So, I retreat.”
Me: “And Sarah, when David retreats, what does that bring up for you emotionally?”
Sarah: “I feel abandoned and unloved. I start thinking maybe he doesn’t care about me anymore.”
Me: “So, Sarah, your fear of abandonment causes you to seek more connection from David. But David, feeling overwhelmed, pulls away even more, which deepens Sarah’s fears. Do you see how this cycle keeps you both stuck?”
Marriage Counseling Session 3: Creating New Patterns
Me: “Let’s try a new way of interacting. David, instead of withdrawing when Sarah expresses her needs, I want you to share your overwhelming feelings in the moment. Sarah, instead of expressing frustration, try sharing the fear or sadness behind it. Can you both practice that now?”
Sarah: “David, when you pull away, it hurts. I’m scared you no longer want to be close to me.”
David: “I didn’t realize how much my distance affects you. When you seem upset, I feel like I’m failing as a husband, so I avoid the situation.”
Me: “Great, you’re starting to share your deeper emotions instead of reacting with frustration or retreating. This will help you connect in a healthier way.”
Marriage Counseling Session 4: Building Intimacy
Me: “In this session, we will focus on rebuilding emotional closeness. I want you to think of one time recently when you felt loved by your partner and share that moment.”
Sarah: “Last week, David made me coffee without me asking. It was a small gesture, but it made me feel cared for.”
David: “I felt loved when Sarah touched my arm while watching TV. It made me feel connected to her.”
Me: “These moments may seem small, but they’re important for nurturing your bond. Focus on building more of these positive interactions daily.”
Marriage Therapy Outcome:
Sarah and David learn to communicate their vulnerabilities throughout therapy instead of reacting defensively. They start to recognize each other’s emotional needs, rebuilding emotional intimacy. They move from a cycle of blame and withdrawal to understanding and connection.
This is just one example of how online marriage counseling might progress using an EFT approach. Other relationship therapy approaches, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), would focus more on changing thoughts and behaviors. Marriage therapy can even be specific, such as when holiday anxiety needs to be addressed.
Summary and My Work
I provide online marriage counseling using the abovementioned techniques, often in combination, in ways that uniquely fit each couple. Virtual therapy is effective and provides certain conveniences that make the process easier in many cases. Marriage therapy can be done alongside family therapy or individual counseling, but I would not see you for both (I could refer you to a trusted colleague if you’d like). Feel free to contact me or schedule a consultation to discuss how marriage therapy, including virtual couples counseling, might benefit you.
Frequently Asked Questions: Online Marriage Counseling
Common questions about marriage counseling — what it involves, how it works online, and how to know if it’s the right step for your relationship.
Yes — marriage counseling has a strong and growing evidence base. The American Psychological Association recognizes couples therapy — particularly Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Cognitive Behavioral approaches — as evidence-based treatments that produce significant improvements in relationship satisfaction, communication, and conflict resolution. Research on EFT specifically shows that approximately 70–75% of couples move from distress to recovery, and that gains are maintained at follow-up. The caveat is that outcomes depend heavily on both partners’ genuine engagement, the timing of when couples seek help, and the fit between the approach and the couple’s specific issues. Couples who seek help earlier — before resentment has calcified into contempt or emotional withdrawal — tend to see stronger and faster results. Marriage counseling is not a last resort; it is most effective as a proactive investment, and many couples use it not because things are bad but because they want to build on what’s already working. See the couples therapy overview for more on the range of approaches available.
Yes — research consistently supports the clinical equivalence of online and in-person couples therapy. A substantial body of evidence, including studies published in peer-reviewed journals on telehealth-delivered relationship interventions, shows comparable outcomes across communication improvement, conflict reduction, and relationship satisfaction. Beyond equivalence, online marriage counseling offers specific practical advantages: it eliminates the logistical friction of coordinating two people’s schedules to reach the same physical office, allows each partner to attend from their own environment, and makes consistent attendance significantly easier — which is itself a strong predictor of positive outcomes. Online delivery is also particularly valuable for couples where one or both partners travel frequently for work, or where scheduling constraints make in-person appointments unreliable. Dr. Jacobson provides online marriage counseling exclusively and is a PSYPACT-participating psychologist licensed in 44 states. See the virtual therapy guide for more on how online sessions work.
The right approach depends on the nature of your relationship challenges, how you each process emotions, and what you’re hoping to get from counseling. As a general guide: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is the gold standard for couples experiencing emotional distance or disconnection and for rebuilding secure attachment; CBT for couples works best for specific recurring conflict patterns and communication breakdowns; Relational Life Therapy (RLT) is highly effective for power imbalances, emotional withdrawal, or when previous therapy has felt too passive; Imago Relationship Therapy is particularly useful for couples whose conflict patterns are rooted in childhood wounds and attachment history; and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy suits couples who want efficient, goal-directed work with a future orientation. In practice, Dr. Jacobson uses an integrative approach — drawing from whichever frameworks best fit each couple’s dynamics — rather than applying a single method rigidly. The initial consultation is the clearest way to identify which approach is the best fit for your specific situation.
Spouse reluctance is extremely common and is one of the most frequently asked questions in marriage counseling. A few things help. First, framing matters: “we need therapy” can feel like an accusation; “I want us to have a space to actually be heard” tends to land differently. Second, one partner beginning individual therapy — to work on their own contribution to the relationship’s difficulties and develop new communication skills — often shifts the dynamic enough that the other partner becomes more open over time. Third, a single consultation session — framed as exploratory rather than a commitment to ongoing therapy — has a much lower barrier to entry than “starting counseling.” Many reluctant spouses who agree to one session to evaluate fit end up engaged in the process once they experience that the therapist is genuinely neutral and not there to adjudicate blame. For situations where one partner is leaning toward leaving entirely, discernment counseling is specifically designed for mixed-agenda couples and may be a better starting point than traditional marriage counseling. See also individual therapy for support while navigating this.
Yes — and infidelity recovery is one of the situations where marriage counseling is most needed and most effective, provided both partners are willing to engage genuinely. Research on couples who remain together after infidelity and seek therapy shows that many go on to build stronger, more honest relationships than they had before the betrayal — because the betrayal forced a level of honesty and vulnerability that the relationship had previously avoided. The work is neither quick nor linear. It involves the betrayed partner processing grief, anger, and shattered trust at their own pace; the partner who betrayed taking genuine accountability without defensiveness; and both partners examining the relational dynamics — not excusing the betrayal, but understanding the context — that contributed to the vulnerability. Emotionally Focused Therapy is particularly well-suited to infidelity recovery because it targets the attachment rupture at the heart of the betrayal. Relational Life Therapy is also effective for its directness about accountability and its active coaching toward genuine repair. The timeline is longer than typical couples counseling — typically 6–18 months — but meaningful recovery is achievable for couples who commit to the process.
Treatment length varies considerably depending on the presenting issues, the severity of distress, and the goals. For couples with a relatively stable relationship seeking to improve communication or address a specific area of friction, a focused course of 8–16 sessions over 3–4 months is often sufficient to produce meaningful change. For couples in significant distress — chronic conflict, emotional disconnection, infidelity recovery, or longstanding resentment — treatment typically runs 6–12 months of weekly sessions before tapering. Solution-focused approaches can produce useful shifts more quickly; deeper approaches like EFT and psychodynamic work take longer but tend to produce more lasting structural change. Many couples also find it useful to return for brief booster courses — 3–6 sessions — when new stressors arise (a major life transition, a relapse of old patterns) rather than waiting until things deteriorate significantly. The how long does therapy take guide provides additional context, and realistic timelines are discussed in the initial consultation based on your specific situation.
Yes — and the combination is often clinically valuable. Many couples in marriage counseling benefit from one or both partners also doing individual therapy, particularly when personal history, individual mental health, or deeply rooted patterns are significantly affecting the relationship. The two services complement each other: individual therapy provides space to process personal material — childhood wounds, anxiety, depression, identity — without taking up the couples session’s focus on the relational dynamic. An important note about Dr. Jacobson’s practice: he does not see the same person for both individual therapy and marriage counseling simultaneously, as this creates ethical complexity around dual roles. When both services are indicated, he can refer one partner to a trusted colleague for individual work while continuing the couples counseling, or vice versa. This arrangement ensures each modality operates with appropriate clinical independence. Marriage counseling can also run alongside family therapy when children’s wellbeing is part of the presenting picture — see the adult family therapy and co-parenting therapy pages for related services.
The first step is a free 20-minute consultation with Dr. Jacobson — a practical conversation about what’s been happening in your relationship, what each of you is hoping to get from counseling, and whether this approach and fit make sense. Both partners are welcome on the call, though one partner scheduling it alone is equally fine. The consultation is low-pressure and non-committal — many couples find it clarifying simply to speak with someone who names the dynamic they’ve been living in and outlines a clear path forward. From there, Dr. Jacobson will recommend a starting approach and discuss a realistic timeline based on your specific situation. Related pages worth reviewing depending on your situation: EFT for couples, Relational Life Therapy, discernment counseling, divorce counseling, premarital counseling, and compatibility testing.
Every strong marriage is built — not just found.
Schedule a free 20-minute consultation with Dr. Jacobson — a low-pressure conversation about where you are and what marriage counseling might offer your relationship.
Dr. Alan S. Jacobson, Psy.D., is a licensed psychologist and certified health service Psychologist and Founder of the Foresight Psychological Institute. He has been practicing for 25 years and is licensed in 44 states. He provides evidence-based psychotherapy for adolescents and adults. His clinical work focuses on anxiety, depression, executive functioning challenges, life transitions, and performance-related stress. Dr. Jacobson integrates cognitive-behavioral, insight-oriented, and values-based approaches to help clients build clarity, resilience, and measurable psychological growth.
