Marriage counseling, or marriage therapy, helps couples navigate challenges in their relationships and improve their connection and contentment. The goal is to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and strengthen emotional bonds. I offer online marriage counseling to couples in a committed relationship, pre-marriage counseling before they fully commit, and compatibility testing. This post goes over these services in detail, and I have a page dedicated to the more general couples therapy, but if you have specific questions or want to talk about how these services could benefit you and your spouse, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me or schedule a consultation.
When to Consider Marriage Counseling 
Marriage therapy can be a valuable tool for couples at various stages of their relationship, whether facing challenges, navigating transitions, or simply seeking to strengthen their bond. Here are key indicators that it might be time to consider in person or online marriage counseling:
1. Communication Problems
- Frequent misunderstandings or misinterpretations.
- Conversations often turn into arguments or become overly defensive.
- One or both partners avoid discussing important issues.
- Silent treatment or passive-aggressive behavior becomes common.
Example: Simple discussions about daily tasks escalate into heated arguments.
2. Trust Issues
- Infidelity (emotional or physical).
- Dishonesty about finances, activities, or feelings.
- Difficulty rebuilding trust after a betrayal.
Example: A partner lied about a significant purchase, and now there’s lingering doubt about their transparency.
3. Lack of Intimacy or Affection
- Decreased physical affection or sexual intimacy.
- Emotional disconnection or feelings of loneliness within the relationship.
- Partners feel more like roommates than romantic partners.
- Sometimes one partner has a fear of intimacy
Example: Physical affection has dwindled, and conversations feel superficial.
4. Frequent or Unresolved Conflict
- Arguments recur without resolution.
- One or both partners feel unheard or dismissed.
- Resentment builds over unresolved issues.
Example: Fights about chores or finances keep happening with no change in behavior.
5. Life Transitions or Major Changes
- Adjusting to major life events (e.g., parenthood, job loss, retirement, relocation).
- Difficulty navigating changes in roles and responsibilities.
- Increased stress putting pressure on the relationship.
Example: The birth of a child has created tension due to unequal sharing of responsibilities. (In this case, I can also mix in parent coaching and therapy.)
6. Emotional Distance or Feeling Alone
- Feeling unsupported by your partner.
- Emotional needs are not being met.
- Feeling lonely even when spending time together.
Example: You confide more in friends or family than in your partner.
7. Financial Disagreements
- Ongoing conflicts about budgeting, spending, or saving.
- Financial dishonesty or hidden debts.
- Different financial priorities cause tension.
Example: One partner prioritizes saving, while the other frequently overspends.
8. Parenting Conflicts
- Disagreements over parenting styles or discipline.
- One partner feels unsupported in parenting decisions.
- Parenting stress spills over into the marital relationship.
Example: One parent is lenient while the other enforces strict rules, leading to frequent arguments.
9. Considering Separation or Divorce
- Thoughts or discussions about separation are becoming more frequent.
- Staying together feels more like an obligation than a choice.
- Partners feel emotionally checked out from the relationship.
Example: One or both partners have started imagining life apart.
10. You Want to Improve Your Relationship
- Even without major issues, you want to enhance your connection.
- Strengthening communication skills.
- Learning to prevent future conflicts.
Example: You’re preparing for marriage or a major transition and want a strong foundation.
When Immediate Help is Necessary:
- Abuse: Emotional, physical, or verbal abuse. (Safety should always come first.)
- Addiction Issues: Substance abuse or other compulsive behaviors impacting the relationship.
- Mental Health Crises: Severe depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts affecting either partner.
Marriage counseling isn’t just for relationships on the brink of collapse—it’s a valuable resource for couples facing challenges, navigating change, or wanting to grow together. Seeking help early can prevent small problems from turning into deep fractures.
Results of Marriage Counseling
There are many potential positive outcomes of marriage therapy, such as:
1. Marriage Therapy for Communication Improvement
- Many issues in marriages stem from poor communication. Couples counseling teaches couples how to listen to each other, express their feelings clearly, and avoid destructive communication patterns.
2. Marriage Therapy for Conflict Resolution
- Often, a couple experiences some conflict or a series of conflicts before coming in for marriage counseling. In session, they are taught strategies for handling disagreements constructively, aiming to reach compromises that satisfy both partners instead of escalating conflicts.
3. Emotional Healing Through Marriage Counseling
- For couples dealing with emotional wounds like betrayal, mistrust, or past trauma, marriage counseling provides a safe space to work through these feelings with the guidance of a neutral third party.
4. Rebuilding Intimacy in Marriage Counseling
- Emotional and physical intimacy may fade over time. I help couples rekindle their connection by addressing unmet needs, improving closeness, and fostering a sense of partnership.
5. Addressing Major Life Changes
- Major transitions such as having children, financial issues, or health challenges can strain a relationship. Marriage counseling can help couples adjust to these changes together.
6. Tools for Long-Term Success
- Marriage counseling addresses immediate issues and equips couples with tools for future challenges, such as empathy-building exercises and problem-solving techniques.
There are also specific times when marriage counseling can help, such as managing holiday anxiety.
Online Marriage Counseling Approaches
The majority of what I do is online marriage counseling since that gives me a chance to serve more people who feel I am a good fit and is particularly helpful when couples need to do therapy from different places due to work or other scheduling issues. Here are the approaches I use that are equally effective with virtual therapy. There are several approaches to online marriage counseling, each with theories, techniques, and focus areas. Here are some of the most commonly used online marriage therapy approaches I use:
1. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
- Focus: Emotionally Focused Therapy emphasizes the emotional connection between partners and is a cornerstone online marriage counseling approach.
- Goal: To identify and change negative patterns in emotional responses that disrupt relationships.
- Techniques: I help couples recognize their emotional needs and teach them how to express vulnerability in a way that strengthens their bond. EFT is based on attachment theory and helps build secure, loving attachments between partners.
- Best for: Couples who feel disconnected or are experiencing emotional distance.
2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Couples
- Focus: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy examines how thoughts, behaviors, and feelings influence relationships.
- Goal: To change unhelpful patterns of thinking and behavior that contribute to conflict or dissatisfaction in the relationship.
- Techniques: Couples are taught how to identify negative thought patterns and reframe them in healthier ways. They also practice effective problem-solving and communication techniques.
- Best for: Couples dealing with specific issues like frequent arguments, anger, or miscommunication.
3. Imago Relationship Therapy
- Focus: Imago Therapy integrates spiritual and behavioral perspectives and focuses on how early childhood experiences shape relationships.
- Goal: To transform conflict into an opportunity for healing and growth by understanding underlying emotional needs.
- Techniques: Couples participate in structured dialogues, where they mirror, validate, and empathize with each other’s feelings. The focus is on understanding each partner’s childhood wounds and how they affect the relationship.
- Best for: Couples seeking a deep exploration of emotional triggers and relational patterns rooted in the past.
4. Solution-Focused Marriage Therapy
- Focus: This approach is future-oriented and focuses on solutions rather than dwelling on past issues.
- Goal: To identify what works well in the relationship and build on those strengths.
- Techniques: I help couples set specific, achievable goals and work on amplifying positive behaviors rather than analyzing problems. Sessions are often shorter and more goal-directed.
- Best for: Couples who want quick, practical strategies to improve their relationship.
5. Narrative Marriage Counseling
- Focus: Narrative therapy encourages couples to reframe their stories about their relationship and each other.
- Goal: To separate the couple from the problems they are facing by viewing problems as external entities rather than intrinsic to the relationship.
- Techniques: Couples are encouraged to “rewrite” their story more positively and empoweringly. The therapist helps them see their problems in a broader context and change negative narratives.
- Best for: Couples who feel stuck in negative patterns and want a fresh perspective on their relationship.
6. Psychodynamic Marriage Counseling
- Focus: Psychodynamic therapy is based on the idea that unconscious forces and unresolved conflicts from the past influence current relationships.
- Goal: To bring these unconscious issues to the surface and help couples understand how they affect their relationship.
- Techniques: I work with couples to explore their past experiences and unresolved emotions, identifying patterns that may drive negative interactions. This self-awareness helps partners make conscious changes.
- Best for: Couples interested in exploring deep emotional issues and the impact of past relationships on their current dynamics.
7. Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT)
- Focus: This approach integrates traditional behavioral therapy with acceptance-based strategies.
- Goal: To help couples change negative behavior patterns and learn to accept each other’s differences rather than trying to change them.
- Techniques: Couples are taught communication skills, problem-solving techniques, and ways to increase positive interactions. The focus is also on helping partners understand and accept challenging aspects of each other’s personalities.
- Best for: Couples dealing with chronic conflicts or differences in personality.
8. Relational Life Therapy (RLT)
- Focus: This approach emphasizes balance, helping individuals understand their personal needs while maintaining the integrity of the relationship.
- Goal: To guide couples toward more conscious, intimate relationships by focusing on authenticity, respect, and equality.
- Techniques: I use direct feedback and coaching to address power imbalances, unhealthy dynamics, or distorted views of intimacy.
- Best for: Couples who are struggling with power imbalances or emotional withdrawal.
Each online marriage counseling approach offers different tools and strategies to address unique relationship challenges. The choice of method often depends on your specific needs and what resonates most with both partners. There are also more specific approaches, such as attachment therapy for couples who experienced trauma in childhood.
Marriage Therapy Example
Here’s an example of how a marriage therapy session might unfold using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) as the approach. This fictional online marriage counseling example shows how I might help a couple reconnect emotionally.
Online Marriage Counseling Case Scenario:
Sarah and David have been married for seven years, but they’ve become emotionally distant lately. Sarah feels David is too withdrawn, while David feels that Sarah is constantly critical. They chose online marriage counseling because it is easiest for Sarah to join from work.
Marriage Counseling Session 1: Understanding the Problem
Me: “Welcome, Sarah and David. I understand you’re feeling disconnected. Could each of you share your perspective on what’s happening in your relationship?”
- Sarah: “I feel like David is never really present. He’s either on his phone or lost in his thoughts when we’re together. It makes me feel like I’m not important to him.”
- David: “It’s not that I don’t care, I just feel like no matter what I do, it’s never enough for Sarah. I no longer know how to make her happy, so I withdraw to avoid more arguments.”
Me: “Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you’re both caught in a cycle where Sarah feels neglected and David feels criticized, leading to more distance. This is common, and we can work on breaking this pattern. Let’s explore your emotions deeper.”
Marriage Counseling Session 2: Sharing Vulnerable Emotions
Me: “David, when Sarah says you seem distant, how does that make you feel?”
- David: “I feel overwhelmed. Like I can’t meet her expectations. So, I retreat.”
Me: “And Sarah, when David retreats, what does that bring up for you emotionally?”
- Sarah: “I feel abandoned and unloved. I start thinking maybe he doesn’t care about me anymore.”
Me: “So, Sarah, your fear of abandonment causes you to seek more connection from David. But David, feeling overwhelmed, pulls away even more, which deepens Sarah’s fears. Do you see how this cycle keeps you both stuck?”
Marriage Counseling Session 3: Creating New Patterns
Me: “Let’s try a new way of interacting. David, instead of withdrawing when Sarah expresses her needs, I want you to share your overwhelming feelings in the moment. Sarah, instead of expressing frustration, try sharing the fear or sadness behind it. Can you both practice that now?”
- Sarah: “David, when you pull away, it hurts. I’m scared you no longer want to be close to me.”
- David: “I didn’t realize how much my distance affects you. When you seem upset, I feel like I’m failing as a husband, so I avoid the situation.”
Me: “Great, you’re starting to share your deeper emotions instead of reacting with frustration or retreating. This will help you connect in a healthier way.”
Marriage Counseling Session 4: Building Intimacy
Me: “In this session, we will focus on rebuilding emotional closeness. I want you to think of one time recently when you felt loved by your partner and share that moment.”
- Sarah: “Last week, David made me coffee without me asking. It was a small gesture, but it made me feel cared for.”
- David: “I felt loved when Sarah touched my arm while watching TV. It made me feel connected to her.”
Me: “These moments may seem small, but they’re important for nurturing your bond. Focus on building more of these positive interactions daily.”
Marriage Therapy Outcome:
Sarah and David learn to communicate their vulnerabilities throughout therapy instead of reacting defensively. They start to recognize each other’s emotional needs, rebuilding emotional intimacy. They move from a cycle of blame and withdrawal to understanding and connection.
This is just one example of how online marriage counseling might progress using an EFT approach. Other relationship therapy approaches, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), would focus more on changing thoughts and behaviors. Marriage therapy can even be specific, such as when holiday anxiety needs to be addressed.
Summary and My Work
I provide online marriage counseling using the abovementioned techniques, often in combination, in ways that uniquely fit each couple. Virtual therapy is effective and provides certain conveniences that make the process easier in many cases. Marriage therapy can be done alongside family therapy or individual counseling, but I would not see you for both (I could refer you to a trusted colleague if you’d like). Feel free to contact me or schedule a consultation to discuss how marriage therapy, including virtual couples counseling, might benefit you.
