I provide online relationship therapy, or relationship counseling, to help couples improve their relationships and work out specific challenges and goals. As with all of my practice, I use an integrated clinical approach, mixing in relationship therapy activities with many approaches. This allows me to combine established cognitive-behavioral, couples-based narrative, emotionally-focused, and solution-focused therapies. I also offer premarital counseling for those who are entering a formal commitment.
This post is designed to give you an overview of relationship therapy. I also welcome you to contact me or schedule a consultation if you’d like to learn more about how my services might work for you and your partner.
Relationship Therapy Overview
The following are the general tenets of the relationship therapy services I provide. Relationship therapy can be quite helpful in many circumstances as couples work to strengthen and deepen their bond. It can help when communication has become negative, leading to misunderstandings and conflict, and when there has been a breach of trust. It can help when the couple faces significant life transitions such as the birth of a child, relocation, or job changes. Finally, it can help when partners feel emotionally disconnected or the same issues arise without resolution.
Goals of Relationship Therapy
- Improving Communication: I work to counsel couples about how to communicate more effectively and listen to each other. The object is to promote truly understanding what the other person has to say and responding in a way that shows that understanding (or with a question if clarity is needed).
- Resolving Conflicts: Relationship counseling helps couples identify and resolve conflicts in a healthy manner. Arguments may be okay if they are productive and each member truly hears what the other person said before responding. They may not be okay if they repeat and do not resolve.
- Rebuilding Trust: In some cases, relationship counseling is designed to help the couple work through issues of trust that may have been damaged by infidelity or other breaches.
- Enhancing Intimacy: Strengthening emotional and physical intimacy can often be a goal of relationship therapy. This can be true for newer couples when desires do not match or in longer-standing partnerships when something has changed regarding patterns and intensity of intimacy.
- Developing Problem-Solving Skills: This form of treatment is often more proactive, equipping couples with tools to handle future challenges.
Relationship Counseling Clinical Approaches
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): This approach focuses on emotions and attachment styles to improve connection. It is often a good choice when one or both members have experienced something in their family of origin that affects the current bond somehow.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This cornerstone approach identifies and changes negative thought patterns and behaviors.
- Narrative Therapy: In longer-term relationships, couples have formed a narrative of their bond that may be unhelpful, dated, or otherwise negative. This therapy helps the couple reframe that narrative.
- Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy (IBCT): In this approach, couples learn to manage differences that may not change but can work to their advantage or at least not cause strife.
Benefits of Relationship Therapy
- Better Understanding: Almost every couple in relationship therapy wants to gain a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and perspectives. I use specific relationship therapy activities to help you meet this goal.
- Strengthened Bond: Building a stronger, more resilient relationship is also a cornerstone goal. Many of the relationship therapy activities listed below work toward this goal.
- Enhanced Coping Skills: Relationships are bound to go through periods of stress and upset, both crises they must face together and their individual challenges. Learning how to handle stress and conflict more effectively is an important goal.
- Prevention: Relationship counseling can help address issues before they become major problems.
Relationship Therapy Activities
The following relationship therapy activities aim to strengthen communication, trust, and understanding between partners. We might do these activities in therapy sessions, or I might assign them as homework. Here are some relationship therapy activities I’ve found to be effective:
1. Active Listening Exercise
- Goal: Improve communication by focusing on listening rather than responding.
- Activity: One partner speaks for 3-5 minutes about something important to them while the other listens without interrupting. Afterward, the listener summarizes what they heard to ensure they understood correctly. Then, switch roles.
2. The “I Feel” Statement
- Goal: Foster emotional expression and reduce blaming language.
- Activity: Practice expressing feelings without judgment by using the formula: “I feel [emotion] when [situation] because [reason].” This encourages partners to express emotions without being accusatory.
3. Appreciation Ritual
- Goal: Increase positive interactions and gratitude.
- Activity: Every day, each partner expresses three things they appreciate about the other. This helps shift focus from problems to the positive aspects of the relationship.
4. Love Map Questions
- Goal: Build emotional intimacy by knowing each other more deeply.
- Activity: Partners ask each other open-ended questions about their preferences, goals, and life experiences. Examples include: “What are your dreams for the future?” or “What’s your favorite childhood memory?”
5. Conflict Resolution Role Play
- Goal: Practice healthy ways to handle disagreements.
- Activity: Re-enact a recent disagreement, but this time with better communication tools (like active listening or “I feel” statements). Discuss how each partner could improve their approach to resolving conflicts.
6. Time Capsule
- Goal: Create shared goals and memories.
- Activity: Write down dreams, goals, and wishes for your relationship over the next few years. Seal them in an envelope and revisit it on a future date (e.g., one year later) to see how you’ve grown together.
7. Weekly Check-In
- Goal: Maintain regular, open communication about relationship needs.
- Activity: Set aside time once a week to discuss how each partner is feeling in the relationship. Use this time to address any concerns, appreciate each other, and plan for the week ahead.
8. Sharing Dreams and Aspirations
- Goal: Deepen emotional connection by discussing life goals.
- Activity: Take turns sharing your individual dreams and aspirations. Support each other in brainstorming ways to make those dreams a reality, creating a shared vision of the future.
9. Couple’s Gratitude Journal
- Goal: Cultivate gratitude and positive focus in the relationship.
- Activity: Each day, both partners write one thing they are grateful for about each other. At the end of the week, review and share the entries.
10. Date Night Planning
- Goal: Prioritize quality time together.
- Activity: Plan a weekly or monthly date night where both partners take turns organizing the activity. Make sure it’s something fun or meaningful for both of you.
These relationship therapy activities can be tailored to suit the needs of each relationship, whether the focus is on communication, intimacy, trust, or conflict resolution.
Relationship Counseling Example
In this fictional example, Jill and John came in for relationship counseling to address their frequent arguments and general lack of understanding since their first child was born. They have been married for four years, and until now, things have gone well, but it has also been a relatively stress-free period in both of their lives. They have chosen online relationship therapy since Jill travels a lot and they don’t want the flow of sessions to be interrupted.
Relationship Counseling Step One: Setting Goals
In the first session, I asked them to share what had been happening and what they hoped to achieve through counseling. I also asked what would happen between them to feel that counseling was a success. We talked about their history together and when communication and understanding were at their best. Generally, they agree that they seem to be arguing all the time about minor things, and it feels like they’re not hearing or understanding each other anymore. They think that there is a background tension that is not lifting.
Relationship Therapy Step Two: Identifying Issues
We explore some of the common themes in their arguments. Jill said that she often feels overwhelmed, and when she asks John for help, he seems uninterested. John says he does not mean to ignore her needs but feels overwhelmed at work. They both realize that they often argue when exhausted and struggle to attend to what the other person is saying or needs.
Step Three: Relationship Therapy Activities
I chose two of the relationship therapy exercises listed above to work on that the couple will continue to practice outside of our session:
Active Listening Exercise
We started with an active listening exercise. Jill shared her feelings about an issue, and John listened and then repeated what he heard. Jill said, “I felt overwhelmed with the chores and needed your help. However, I felt you didn’t care.” John replied, “So, you felt overwhelmed and needed my help, but you felt like I didn’t care?” This led to a discussion that helped them see each others’ points of view. Active listening is one of the relationship therapy activities I almost always do.
Exploring Underlying Emotions
When we finished the first exercise, I asked John how it felt to hear Jane say that. He said it made him realize he needs to be more attentive to her needs. He said he was stressed with work but didn’t communicate that. I then asked Jill how it felt to hear John acknowledge her feelings. Jill said it felt good to be heard. She understands he’s stressed too, and they need to support each other better.”
Developing Communication Strategies
At the end of the session, we discussed some strategies for improving communication. They decided to set aside time each day to check in with each other and express any concerns. For this week, they decided they would practice active listening during your check-ins. The topics would include a fair distribution of household chores to alleviate some of Jane’s stress.
This structured approach to online relationship counseling helps couples better understand each other, improve communication, and develop healthier habits.
Online Relationship Therapy Effectiveness
Online relationship therapy has grown in popularity, especially with the rise of telehealth services, and has proven effective for many couples. The flexibility and accessibility of virtual platforms make it a convenient option, while the core principles of therapy remain the same. Here’s a breakdown of the effectiveness of online relationship therapy:
Benefits of Online Relationship Therapy
- Convenience and Accessibility
- Accessibility: Couples can attend sessions from the comfort of home, reducing logistical barriers like travel time, geographical limitations, or conflicting schedules.
- Scheduling Flexibility: Online relationship therapy sessions can be scheduled more easily, including during evenings or weekends, accommodating busy couples who may struggle to find time for traditional therapy. It can also allow partners not in the same place due to work or travel to attend together.
- Comfort and Openness
- Comfort of Home: Being in a familiar space for online relationship therapy can help couples feel more at ease, which may lead to more open and honest communication. More space and a familiar environment may also make relationship therapy activities easier.
- Less Pressure: Some people may feel less intimidated by online sessions than in-person meetings, potentially enhancing their ability to express emotions and concerns.
- Increased Access to Specialists
- Couples can work with me or another specialized therapist who might not be available in their local area. Online relationship therapy platforms offer access to a wider range of professionals with specific expertise you are looking for.
- Evidence-Based Approaches
- Studies suggest that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), emotional-focused therapy(EFT), and Gottman Method interventions, commonly used in relationship counseling, are as effective when delivered online as in person. Research indicates that the therapeutic alliance (the bond between therapist and clients) can be successfully developed in virtual relationship therapy.
- Anonymity and Privacy
- For couples who may feel stigmatized about seeking therapy, the relative anonymity of virtual relationship therapy sessions can provide a more private, judgment-free way to engage in counseling. This can be especially helpful for couples from small communities or those with privacy concerns.
- Continuous Support
- Online platforms often offer access to chat, email, or text support between sessions, allowing for ongoing communication with me. This can provide continuous guidance rather than be limited to weekly or biweekly in-person sessions.
Challenges of Online Relationship Therapy
- Technological Issues
- Connection problems or poor audio/video quality can disrupt virtual relationship therapy sessions. While the platform I use is equipped to handle this, it’s still a potential challenge that can impact the flow of communication and therapy progress.
- Nonverbal Communication Limitations
- I may miss out on nonverbal cues (body language, facial expressions) that are more easily noticed in person. This could affect my ability to gauge emotions or tension between partners fully.
- Distractions at Home
- While being in a familiar setting can help couples feel comfortable, it can also lead to distractions (kids, pets, household responsibilities), making it harder to focus during virtual relationship therapy sessions.
- Lack of Physical Presence
- For some couples, the lack of a physical presence in the same room as the therapist can feel less personal. The tactile and embodied nature of in-person therapy may be important to those who prefer face-to-face interaction, especially with certain relationship therapy activities.
Research on Effectiveness
- 2014 Study: A study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that online relationship therapy, specifically when using cognitive-behavioral and emotionally focused methods, was as effective as face-to-face therapy for improving relationship satisfaction, communication, and emotional health.
- 2020 Study: A more recent study during the pandemic era, published in Family Process, showed that online couple therapy was not only effective but also experienced higher participation rates and better follow-up attendance compared to traditional therapy. This highlights how online platforms can sustain commitment to the process.
- Therapeutic Alliance: Several studies have shown that the therapeutic bond, one of the strongest predictors of therapy success, can be effectively built and maintained through online therapy, with couples reporting satisfaction with their therapists.
When Online Relationship Therapy is Not Recommended
- Severe Relationship Issues: In cases of severe issues like domestic violence or emotional abuse, online relationship counseling might not provide the immediate intervention required for safety and crisis management.
- Poor Technology Access: For couples with unreliable internet or technological skills, online relationship counseling may not be viable. These logistical hurdles can create added frustration rather than a therapeutic benefit.
Summary and My Work
Relationship therapy is highly effective for many couples. I use many methods and approaches in my integrative psychological practice, so we’ll design an approach that works best for you. I focus on relationship therapy activities that we can try in session, and you can continue as homework.
If you want to hear more about relationship counseling in general, my therapeutic approach, or specific types of relationship therapy, please get in touch with me or schedule a consultation anytime.
