Virtual couples therapy, also known as online couples therapy, online couples counseling, and virtual marriage counseling, involves providing therapy and support to couples through secure online platforms. I provide this therapy in 41 states, allowing me to serve couples from all over the country and couples who may not be in the same place at the same time each week.
Virtual couples therapy can be helpful when two people want to improve their relationship, see signs of difficulty in a previously solid bond, or when something specific has happened that creates a crisis. It can be helpful in all stages of a relationship, whether the two people are considering a new level of commitment, are facing a life transition that affects them, or have been together a long time and are managing a new stress.
I differentiate online couples counseling from virtual marriage counseling because the former can involve any two people in an important relationship, while the latter specifically refers to people who have already committed to each other for the long term. There is no huge difference in practice, so I use the terms mostly interchangeably. The following covers virtual marriage counseling methods, benefits, and drawbacks to help you become an informed consumer. Of course, you can also get in touch with me anytime to discuss this type of therapy and how it might work for you.
Benefits of Virtual Couples Therapy
In general, I have found virtual marriage counseling just as effective as in person. I have even found there to be a variety of important advantages of online couples therapy, including:
Accessibility of Online Couples Counseling
Virtual couples therapy can be more accessible for couples with difficulty attending in-person sessions due to scheduling conflicts, transportation issues, or other scheduling limitations. It allows the two members to connect with a therapist from the comfort of their homes or other places, even when apart. Busy work schedules, childcare issues, and frequent travel do not disrupt virtual couples therapy as much as they do in person. In addition, virtual marriage therapy is ideal for those situations where one member travels a lot or work schedules sometimes do not coincide, allowing the treatment to continue without interruption.
Virtual Couples Therapy and Choices
Virtual couples therapy eliminates the need for travel time. It can be more convenient for those living in remote areas with limited access to therapy. It is also helpful for those who have trouble finding a good match in therapists regarding clinical approach and personality. Virtual marriage counseling opens up many more options for you as the consumer. You need to ensure that the practitioner is licensed in your state and any other state you might be in when the services are delivered.
Privacy and Comfort
Some members of a relationship may feel more comfortable discussing sensitive topics in the privacy of their own homes rather than in a therapist’s office. Virtual couples therapy can provide a more comfortable environment for open and honest communication. It can also help overcome issues such as poor weather, making it difficult to go to an office. For those who have split or are otherwise currently uncomfortable being in the same office, virtual marriage counseling can allow them to be in different places comfortably.
Security and Confidentiality
I use a secure platform for virtual couples therapy sessions to ensure confidentiality and privacy. Even though I work at home, I ensure that I am in a private area where no one can see my screen or hear what is being said. Online couples therapy also allows you to avoid going to an office and waiting in a waiting room where you could potentially run into people you know.
Online Couples Therapy Drawbacks
The following are the challenges that can come with online couples counseling.
Virtual Couples Therapy Technology Requirements
You and your partner will need a reliable internet connection and access to a device with a camera and microphone, such as a computer, smartphone, or tablet. Of course, that means the connection could be interrupted, or there could be other technical problems. With virtual marriage therapy, the chances of problems may be multiplied by two if the two of you are seen in different places. As an aside, like many therapists, I prefer to see both members of the partnership together unless we have planned separate meetings for a clinical reason. Thus, if one person’s technology cuts out, we may be unable to meet.
Engagement and Interaction
While I have been trained in techniques to ensure that partners effectively engage in a virtual setting, some people are just not as comfortable in this type of treatment; in that case, I can refer you to someone who provides more traditional couples therapy. You need to decide if you are both comfortable with this type of service delivery. That is why I and many of my colleagues offer a free consultation that allows you to see what the experience might be like.
Establishing Boundaries During Online Couples Therapy
Partners need to establish boundaries to create a therapeutic space during virtual sessions. This involves finding a quiet, private area for sessions and minimizing distractions to focus on the therapy process. This can be more challenging at home if there are kids, pets, deliveries, etc.
Virtual Couples Therapy Techniques
Virtual couples therapy, like in-person therapy, involves various techniques to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and strengthen the relationship. I generally use a strengths-based approach to identify and build upon the relationship’s strengths. I encourage partners to reminisce about positive experiences and highlight areas where they work well together. I use specific techniques such as Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy and EFT Couples Therapy.
Here are some specific effective therapeutic techniques I use that are tailored for virtual couples therapy:
Establishing a Safe Virtual Environment
I begin the first session by setting ground rules for communication and ensuring confidentiality. I emphasize the importance of creating a safe space where both partners feel comfortable expressing themselves. This is particularly important if each person joins from a different place. We’ll go over how we might utilize various technological tools to enhance online couples counseling therapy sessions, such as virtual whiteboards, screen sharing for visual aids, and secure messaging platforms for communication outside of sessions.
Active Listening in Virtual Couples Therapy
I encourage active listening skills by having one partner speak while the other listens without interruption. Then, we can use techniques like paraphrasing and summarizing to ensure the other person fully understands before responding. This is essential in virtual couples counseling, where the lack of being in person can limit how much nonverbal skills are noticed. Developing an understanding of the other person’s thoughts and perspective is
Reflective Communication in Virtual Marriage Counseling
During online couples counseling, I teach couples to reflect on their own feelings and thoughts before expressing them to their partner. This helps avoid blame and criticism and promotes understanding. Delay in conversations becomes an effective strategy.
We’ll also work on effective conflict resolution techniques, such as using “I” statements, staying focused on the present issue, and seeking compromise rather than trying to “win” arguments. I also engage couples in role-playing exercises to help them better understand each other’s perspectives and practice new communication techniques in a controlled setting. For example, we might replay a recent disagreement with each person taking the other’s role.
Emotion Regulation and Techniques
Online couples counseling can lead to strong emotions. We might discuss mindfulness and relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and taking breaks, which can be helpful in de-escalating conflicts. These techniques become useful outside of sessions and are part of how the partnership manages day-to-day stress and conflict.
Cognitive Restructuring in Virtual Couples Therapy
In online couples counseling, you’ll learn to identify and challenge negative thought patterns contributing to relationship problems. You’ll also reframe your perspective and focus on more constructive interpretations of situations. These virtual marriage counseling techniques work well within virtual marriage counseling sessions, helping partners navigate challenges, improve communication skills, and cultivate a healthier relationship dynamic. We may look to understand how your unique histories affect the relationship and how you can learn to navigate all of that.
Online Couples Counseling Case Example
Here is a fictitious case example of virtual couples therapy, showcasing the process, interventions, and outcomes.
“Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity”
Couple: Sarah (29) and John (31)
Length of Relationship: 5 years, married for 2
Presenting Issue: Sarah discovered that John had an emotional affair with a coworker. They’re seeking therapy to rebuild trust and improve communication.
Format: Weekly, 45-minute online couples counseling sessions via a secure video platform
Initial Assessment
In the first online couples therapy session, I met with both partners and briefly individually to better understand their perspectives. Key issues identified:
- Sarah’s feelings: Hurt, betrayal, and anxiety about their future.
- John’s feelings: Guilt, remorse, and frustration about his inability to communicate his needs earlier.
- Relationship dynamic: Communication issues, with a pattern of avoidance and defensiveness.
Online Couples Therapy Treatment Goals
- Establish a safe and non-judgmental space for both partners.
- Rebuild trust and address the impact of the emotional affair.
- Improve communication skills and emotional intimacy.
Online Couples Counseling Intervention Plan
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): To address the underlying attachment issues and fears, focusing on creating a secure emotional bond.
- Gottman Method Techniques: Including “Love Maps” exercises to rebuild emotional connection and structured conflict discussions to manage arguments effectively.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): To address individual thought patterns contributing to trust issues and anxiety, particularly for Sarah.
Virtual Marriage Counseling Session Highlights
Session 1-2: Establishing Safety and Ground Rules
- I emphasized confidentiality and the importance of honesty, even in difficult discussions.
- The initial focus was on creating safety in the virtual space, acknowledging the potential challenges of remote communication.
- The couple was asked to avoid discussing the affair outside of sessions initially to prevent unproductive conflict.
Session 3-5: Addressing the Affair and Its Impact
- Using EFT techniques, I guided John in expressing his genuine remorse and understanding of Sarah’s pain.
- Sarah shared her emotional turmoil, facilitated by the therapist’s reflective listening and validation.
- I introduced a “Trust Bank” exercise: Small, consistent actions to rebuild trust, like sharing daily check-ins and setting clear expectations.
Session 6-8: Improving Communication
- I introduced the “Four Horsemen” (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling) from the Gottman Method, and the couple identified which behaviors were present in their conflicts.
- Role-play exercises helped them practice softened startups (gentle ways to bring up issues) and active listening.
- Sarah wanted transparency about John’s interactions with the coworker. I facilitated a conversation about setting new boundaries that felt fair and reasonable for both.
Session 9-12: Reconnecting Emotionally
- “Love Maps” exercises helped the couple rediscover what they valued and admired about each other.
- I used guided visualization to help the couple imagine a positive future together, focusing on shared goals and dreams.
- By the end of the 12th session, John and Sarah reported improved emotional closeness and fewer arguments.
Virtual Marriage Counseling Outcome
- The couple demonstrated a significant improvement in communication, with fewer defensive and critical exchanges.
- Sarah’s anxiety about the affair decreased as John consistently followed through on agreed-upon actions to rebuild trust.
- Both partners expressed increased satisfaction in the relationship and decided to continue with bi-weekly sessions for ongoing support.
Reflections
This case highlights how virtual couples therapy can still create a meaningful healing space despite potential barriers like technological issues. The structured approach of integrating EFT, the Gottman Method, and CBT helped address the couple’s challenges’ emotional and cognitive aspects.
Final Thoughts
Almost all insurance providers may cover virtual couples counseling sessions—some even encourage them with lower copays. However, you must check with your insurance company to understand coverage options and any limitations related to online couples counseling teletherapy services.
Effectiveness of Virtual Couples Therapy
Research suggests that online couples therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy for addressing relationship issues and improving communication and satisfaction. Of course, the effectiveness of virtual couples counseling may vary depending on your needs and comfort with this treatment.
Overall, online couples therapy can be convenient and effective for couples seeking support and guidance to improve their relationships. By leveraging technology, couples can access therapy services from anywhere while receiving the same quality of treatment. I have found this type of treatment as effective as in-person couples therapy and, for some, even more effective. It works well with all of my couples therapy methods, including EFT and Imago Relationship Therapy.
Online Couples Therapy in My Practice
I have been trained to adapt clinical techniques and interventions to suit the unique needs and circumstances of each couple I serve. Flexibility is crucial in virtual therapy, where technical issues or external distractions may arise. I’ll regularly solicit your feedback about your treatment experience and progress towards your goals. We might use outcome measures or assessments to track changes in relationship satisfaction over time. I also do virtual premarital counseling.
You may be asked to do homework tasks between sessions to practice newly learned skills and reinforce therapy goals. This could include communication exercises, collaborative problem-solving tasks, or activities to increase intimacy.
Please also see my page about virtual therapy in general. If you have any questions about online couples therapy or would like to possibly see me for virtual couples therapy, please contact me or schedule a consultation.
