Adult family therapy, also known as adult family counseling, focuses on improving communication, resolving conflicts, and strengthening relationships within a system when some or all children are grown. It is beneficial when families face significant life transitions, persistent conflicts, or challenges such as mental health issues, addiction, trauma, or grief. I offer family therapy for adults virtually, allowing everyone to participate even if they don’t live in the same place. There are many reasons families choose this type of treatment, and I provide three common ones at the end of this post: Family transitions, sibling therapy, and failure to launch therapy. There are other examples, too, such as when families want to improve relationships or communication, resolve longstanding differences, or work out a specific disagreement.
If you want to discuss how family therapy for adults would help you, please feel free to contact me or schedule a consultation anytime.
Common Approaches in Adult Family Therapy
I use the following methods in family therapy for adults:
Structural Family Therapy for Adults (SFT)
- Focus: Organization, hierarchies, and boundaries.
- Goal: Restructure dynamics to improve relationships and establish healthier boundaries.
- Example: I may work to redefine roles if one person is overburdened with responsibilities.
Systemic Family Therapy for Adults
- Focus: Systems and patterns of interaction are the focus of this type of family therapy for adults.
- Goal: Understand the family as an interconnected system where one person’s behavior affects the whole group.
- Example: Addressing how one member’s anxiety might cause stress for everyone else.
Family Systems Adult Family Therapy
- Focus: Differentiation of self and understanding intergenerational patterns.
- Goal: Help individuals balance independence and connection.
- Example: Couples therapy to explore how unresolved conflicts with parents might affect a person’s marriage.
Narrative Adult Family Therapy
- Focus: The stories families tell about their experiences.
- Goal: Narrative family therapy helps them reframe their stories in a more empowering way.
- Example: Instead of seeing a member as “the problem,” the narrative shifts to how the family can collectively address challenges.
Solution-Focused Brief Family Therapy (SFBT)
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- Focus: Present and future solutions rather than past problems.
- Goal: Identify and amplify existing strengths and resources to solve problems.
- Example: Instead of analyzing why arguments happen, focus on moments when communication worked well.
Psychoeducational Adult Family Therapy
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- Focus: Educating families about mental health conditions, addiction, or other specific issues.
- Goal: Reduce blame, increase understanding, and develop coping strategies.
- Example: Educating families about ADHD and how it affects adult relationships.
Cognitive-Behavioral Family Therapy for Adults (CBFT)
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- Focus: Thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to conflict.
- Goal: Help members change unhelpful thoughts and behaviors.
- Example: Identifying and addressing negative assumptions between members.
Emotionally Focused Family Therapy for Adults (EFFT)
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- Focus: Emotional bonds and attachment needs are central to this type of family therapy for adults.
- Goal: Create secure emotional connections and address unresolved emotional wounds.
- Example: A parent and adult child working through feelings of neglect or abandonment.
When to Consider Adult Family Therapy
- Frequent, intense, or unresolved conflicts
- Life transitions (e.g., divorce, remarriage, illness, death)
- Addiction or substance abuse issues
- Mental health challenges affecting dynamics
- Communication breakdowns
- Unresolved past traumas or significant stresses
- Estrangement for any reason
Case Example 1: Sibling Therapy
Case Overview:
The Martinez family consists of two parents and three adult siblings—Laura (42), Miguel (38), and Sofia (35). After their parents moved to a condo, they began arguing over the family home, and unresolved emotional conflicts from their childhood resurfaced. Laura feels she was forced into a caretaker role, Miguel resents feeling overlooked, and Sofia feels she was always treated as the baby of the family and never taken seriously. They agree to attend adult sibling therapy to improve communication and resolve ongoing tensions.
Sibling Therapy Process
1. Initial Adult Sibling Therapy Session: Establishing Goals and Ground Rules
- I create a safe and neutral environment for open discussion during sibling therapy.
- Each sibling shares their perspective:
- Laura expresses frustration about carrying family responsibilities alone.
- Miguel discusses feeling ignored in decisions.
- Sofia talks about feeling dismissed and underestimated.
- Goal: Improve communication, address long-standing resentments, and agree on a plan for the family home.
2. Identifying Family Patterns and Roles
- I explore roles established in childhood:
- Laura was the “responsible caretaker.”
- Miguel was the “forgotten middle child.”
- Sofia was the “baby who needed protection.”
- These roles, while once functional, are now causing friction in adulthood.
3. Addressing Underlying Emotions
- I use Emotionally Focused Family Therapy for Adults (EFFT) techniques to help each sibling express vulnerable emotions.
- Laura admits she feels unappreciated for her sacrifices.
- Miguel shares feelings of invisibility and resentment.
- Sofia expresses her frustration with not being seen as capable.
- This emotional honesty helps reduce blame and build empathy among them.
4. Practicing Healthy Communication
- I introduce Cognitive-Behavioral Adult Sibling Therapy techniques to improve communication:
- Active listening exercises
- “I” statements to express feelings without assigning blame (e.g., “I feel hurt when my opinions are dismissed”).
- The siblings practice these tools in real-time discussions.
5. Developing a Plan for Moving Forward
- I guide the siblings in creating an agreement regarding the family home.
- They also discuss boundaries and expectations for their relationships moving forward.
- For example:
- Regular family check-ins to discuss important matters.
- Respect for each sibling’s emotional space and independence.
6. Sibling Therapy Closure and Reflection
- In the final sibling therapy sessions, I review progress.
- Each sibling reflects on personal growth and commits to maintaining open communication.
- I provide tools for managing future conflicts constructively.
Key Outcomes of Sibling Therapy:
- Improved Communication: The siblings learn to express their needs without falling into old patterns of blame or defensiveness.
- Emotional Resolution: Unspoken grievances and childhood resentments are acknowledged and addressed.
- Practical Agreements: A clear plan for managing the family home and respecting individual boundaries is established.
- Renewed Connection: The siblings feel closer, more respected, and more confident in handling future disagreements.
Case Example 2: Failure to Launch Therapy
David, a 27-year-old man, lives with his parents, Carol and Mark. Despite graduating from college three years ago, David has not pursued a stable job or moved out. He spends most of his time playing video games and avoiding discussions about his future. Carol feels guilty and enables David by doing his laundry and cooking for him, while Mark feels frustrated and often withdraws from conversations. They decide to seek Failure to Launch Therapy to address their challenges.
Failure to Launch Therapy Process
1. Initial Assessment and Goal Setting for Failure to Launch Therapy
- My Role: Understand the family dynamics, David’s emotional state, and the contributing factors behind his lack of independence.
- Family Insights:
- David admits he feels overwhelmed by adult responsibilities and fears failing.
- Carol reveals she feels responsible for David’s struggles and avoids confrontation to “keep the peace.”
- Mark expresses frustration and a sense of helplessness.
- Failure to Launch Therapy Goal: Help David build confidence and independence while addressing enabling behaviors from his parents.
2. Addressing Emotional Barriers (Individual and Family Failure to Launch Therapy Sessions)
- David: In individual failure to launch therapy, David works on his low self-esteem and fear of failure. I use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques to challenge his negative self-talk (e.g., “I’ll fail anyway, so why bother trying?”).
- Carol and Mark: In failure to launch therapy sessions, Carol learns to set boundaries and reduce enabling behaviors while Mark practices expressing his frustrations constructively.
Example Activity:
- I ask Carol to gradually stop doing tasks David can do himself (e.g., laundry, cooking).
- David practices small, manageable goals, like applying to one job per week or creating a daily routine.
3. Building Life Skills and Independence
- I introduce Solution-Focused Failure to Launch Therapy techniques to help David identify small, actionable steps toward independence.
- Create a resume and apply for jobs.
- Set weekly goals (e.g., budgeting finances, cooking one meal a day).
- David also starts attending a weekly group therapy session for young adults facing similar struggles, which reduces his sense of isolation.
4. Addressing Family Dynamics and Boundaries
- I work on shifting roles:
- Carol: Stops micromanaging and learns to let David face natural consequences.
- Mark: Re-engages in discussions and supports Carol in maintaining boundaries.
- David: Learns to communicate his needs and frustrations openly rather than withdrawing.
Example Exercise:
- They practice role-playing scenarios, such as David asking for support without relying on his parents for everything.
5. Transition Plan and Support System
- I collaborate with David to create a plan for moving out within a realistic timeframe.
- Carol and Mark set clear expectations for financial contributions and household responsibilities.
- David identifies support systems outside his family (e.g., friends, mentors, or career counselors).
6. Closure and Reflection
- In the final failure to launch therapy sessions, the family reflects on their growth:
- David: Feels more confident and motivated to pursue his goals.
- Carol: Feels less guilty and more empowered to let David face challenges.
- Mark: Feels more connected and hopeful about the family’s future.
- I provide tools for ongoing communication and conflict resolution.
Failure to Launch Therapy Outcomes:
- David: Builds self-confidence, secures a part-time job, and begins planning to move out.
- Carol: Stops enabling behaviors and respects David’s independence.
- Mark: Communicates his frustrations more constructively.
- Family: Improved communication, healthier boundaries, and a more balanced family dynamic.
Case Example 3: Adult Family Counseling for Transitions
Linda (60) and her son Alex (32) have been estranged for three years. Their relationship became strained after repeated arguments about Alex’s life choices, including his decision to change careers and move out of state. Linda feels abandoned and hurt, while Alex feels judged and emotionally drained by their interactions. At Linda’s suggestion, they agree to explore the possibility of reconciliation in adult family counseling.
Adult Family Counseling Process
1. Initial Adult Family Counseling Session: Establishing Goals and Safe Communication
- My Role: Create a neutral adult family counseling space for both parties to feel heard without judgment.
- Linda’s Perspective: She shares feelings of abandonment and grief over the loss of closeness with Alex.
- Alex’s Perspective: He expresses frustration over feeling criticized and invalidated by Linda.
- Shared Goal: Both agree to work towards understanding each other’s perspectives and rebuilding trust.
2. Identifying Patterns and Root Causes
- Therapist’s Insight: I help them identify recurring patterns in their communication.
- Linda: Tends to offer unsolicited advice and struggles to accept Alex’s autonomy.
- Alex: Withdraws emotionally when he feels criticized.
- Exploration of Past Events: They discuss key moments that contributed to the estrangement, including an argument when Alex felt his career choice was dismissed.
Example Adult Family Counseling Activity:
- I ask both to share their perspectives on a past argument, focusing on their feelings rather than assigning blame.
3. Addressing Emotional Wounds and Misunderstandings
- I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) techniques to help Linda and Alex express their core emotions:
- Linda: Admits her controlling behavior stemmed from fear of losing connection with Alex.
- Alex: Shares that his withdrawal was not out of rejection but self-protection.
- Both acknowledge the emotional impact their actions have had on each other.
Example Adult Family Counseling Exercise:
- I facilitate a “Letter of Understanding” exercise where both write letters to express their feelings without interruption.
4. Establishing Healthy Boundaries and Expectations
- I help them outline clear boundaries to avoid repeating past patterns.
- Linda: Agrees to offer advice only when asked.
- Alex: Agrees to communicate regularly in a way that feels manageable for him.
- Both discuss expectations about visits, phone calls, and sharing aspects of their lives.
Example Adult Family Counseling Activity:
- They create a “Communication Agreement” outlining what feels safe and respectful for both parties.
5. Rebuilding Trust Through Consistent Effort
- They work on rebuilding their relationship gradually, focusing on small, positive interactions.
- I emphasize that reconciliation is a process, not a single event.
Example Adult Family Counseling Exercise:
- Weekly “check-in” calls with structured conversation topics to prevent misunderstandings.
6. Reflection and Closure
- I help Linda and Alex reflect on their progress in family therapy for adults and celebrate small victories.
- They discuss tools for managing future conflicts constructively.
- Both express hope and a renewed commitment to their relationship.
Key Outcomes of Adult Family Therapy:
- Improved Communication: Both Linda and Alex learn to communicate feelings without falling into defensive patterns.
- Emotional Awareness: They understand how past wounds influenced their behavior and communication styles.
- Healthy Boundaries: Clear guidelines for interactions prevent future resentment.
- Gradual Reconnection: Both agree to continue building trust at a safe and respectful pace.
Adult family counseling often focuses on healing emotional wounds, improving communication, and redefining the parent-child relationship to respect both parties’ autonomy.
Summary and My Work
Unlike individual therapy, adult family therapy views problems as existing within the family dynamic rather than being caused by one person, even when, and perhaps especially when, the family no longer lives in the same place. The goal is to help family members understand each other’s perspectives, build empathy, and develop healthier ways of interacting. I provide specific types of adult family therapy, including adult sibling therapy, emotionally focused family therapy, and failure-to-launch therapy, as well as more general treatment when a family is facing a barrier or challenge, old or new. I provide these services virtually.
Contact me for Adult Family Therapy
If you want more information about adult family therapy or how these approaches could help you, please feel free to contact me or schedule a consultation anytime.
