Forgiveness therapy, or acceptance and forgiveness therapy, is a psychological approach that helps individuals process and release resentment, anger, and emotional pain caused by past hurts. Developed by Dr. Robert Enright and influenced by researchers such as Dr. Everett Worthington, this therapy promotes emotional healing by guiding people through a structured process of acknowledging pain, reframing perspectives, and ultimately finding peace. Unlike traditional types of therapy that focus on symptom management, therapy for forgiveness aims at deep emotional resolution, enabling people to regain control over their emotional well-being.
Forgiveness Therapy: An In-Depth Exploration 
History of the Forgiveness Therapy Model
Forgiveness therapy emerged from psychological and philosophical traditions, integrating elements of moral philosophy, religious teachings, and psychological healing. Dr. Robert Enright pioneered the modern psychological approach in the 1980s. He developed a structured therapeutic model based on cognitive and emotional processes, emphasizing that letting go can be a deliberate choice rather than a passive experience.
Other significant contributors include Dr. Everett Worthington, who introduced the REACH therapy model for forgiveness, and various positive psychology researchers who explored its benefits for mental health and well-being. Acceptance and forgiveness therapy has been widely used in clinical psychology, trauma therapy, and conflict resolution.
Who Is the Forgiveness Therapy Model Used For?
Forgiveness therapy is beneficial for individuals struggling with unresolved emotional pain, resentment, or trauma. It is applied across various psychological and relational challenges, including personal trauma, interpersonal conflicts, and mental health issues. Below are the primary groups of people who benefit from the forgiveness therapy model:
- Survivors of Trauma and Abuse
- People who have experienced emotional, physical, or sexual abuse in childhood or adulthood.
- Victims of domestic violence who are working through anger, betrayal, and self-blame.
- People with PTSD from violent crimes, war, or severe personal betrayals.
- Acceptance and forgiveness therapy helps them process their pain, release self-blame, and regain a sense of emotional control.
- People with Family Estrangement or Dysfunctional Upbringings
- People who were neglected or abandoned by parents (e.g., raised by a young single parent, adopted children with attachment issues).
- Siblings who have been in long-term conflict.
- Adult children with unresolved resentment toward parents.
- Acceptance and forgiveness therapy helps improve emotional well-being, even if reconciliation is impossible.
- It treats parent-child codependency
- Individuals with Betrayal or Relationship Trauma
- Spouses or partners dealing with infidelity or broken trust.
- Friends who have been deeply betrayed.
- As part of separation or divorce counseling.
- Acceptance and forgiveness therapy helps rebuild self-worth and trust, whether or not reconciliation occurs.
- People Struggling with Resentment or Anger Issues
- People who hold grudges that affect their mental well-being.
- Those who struggle with chronic anger, bitterness, or revenge-seeking behaviors.
- Acceptance and forgiveness therapy helps reduce emotional distress and improve interpersonal relationships.
- Individuals with Depression, Anxiety, or Stress-Related Conditions
- People whose resentment contributes to chronic stress, anxiety, or depression.
- Those experiencing emotional exhaustion from holding onto past pain.
- Acceptance and forgiveness therapy helps by promoting emotional release and reducing psychological distress.
- People with Grief and Loss Issues
- People who are grieving the loss of a loved one but struggling with anger toward the deceased (e.g., feeling abandoned and resentful over past conflicts).
- Those angry at circumstances or fate (e.g., feeling wronged by life events).
- Acceptance and forgiveness therapy helps reframe loss and find emotional peace.
- Patients with Chronic Illness or Terminal Conditions
- People dealing with chronic pain, cancer, or terminal illness who feel resentment toward life, caregivers, or themselves.
- People who are experiencing guilt over past mistakes or unresolved emotional burdens.
- Acceptance and forgiveness therapy helps alleviate emotional suffering and promote inner peace.
- Couples and Families in Conflict
- Couples in marriage counseling who are working through resentment and past wounds.
- Families dealing with long-standing conflicts, estrangement, or deep misunderstandings.
- Acceptance and forgiveness therapy helps rebuild relationships or find personal healing even if reconciliation is impossible.
- People in Religious or Spiritual Settings
- People seeking faith-based healing.
- Those struggling with spiritual guilt, moral injury, or resentment toward religious institutions or figures.
- Acceptance and forgiveness therapy helps integrate forgiveness within spiritual and moral frameworks.
- People Navigating Workplace or Community Conflicts
- People dealing with workplace injustices, discrimination, or unfair treatment.
- Community members working through historical grievances or cultural conflicts.
- Acceptance and forgiveness therapy helps foster reconciliation and improve workplace or social dynamics.
Does the Person Need to Reconcile?
No— the forgiveness therapy model is about emotional release, not reconciliation. Some people reconnect with the person they are forgiving, while others use it as a personal healing process without direct contact.
Who Uses Forgiveness Therapy?
Forgiveness therapy is utilized by:
- Clinical psychologists and therapists – use therapy for forgiveness to help clients struggling with trauma, resentment, and emotional wounds.
- Counselors specializing in trauma and abuse – use therapy for forgiveness to aid survivors in healing from past betrayals and injustices.
- Marriage and family therapists – use therapy for forgiveness to assist couples and families in overcoming conflict, infidelity, and estrangement.
- Religious and spiritual counselors – use these techniques as a moral and emotional practice.
- Life coaches and self-help practitioners – use therapy for forgiveness to guide individuals toward emotional growth and resilience.
- Medical professionals – particularly in palliative care and chronic illness management, forgiveness therapy steps are used to support emotional healing and reduce stress-related conditions.
Therapeutic Forgiveness Techniques
- Cognitive Restructuring – Changing negative thought patterns about the offender or event
- Empathy Development – Encouraging understanding of the offender’s perspective (without justifying their actions)
- Emotional Processing – Acknowledging and expressing anger, grief, and pain
- Guided Imagery & Letter Writing – Writing unsent letters to the offender to process emotions
- Behavioral Commitments – Engaging in acts of kindness or symbolic gestures of release
- Mindfulness & Meditation – Using techniques to manage anger and promote acceptance
- Role-Playing & Storytelling – Reframing the experience through guided narratives
- Religious or Spiritual Approaches – Using prayer, scripture, or moral teachings
Acceptance and Forgiveness Therapy Steps
Dr. Robert Enright’s model outlines the forgiveness therapy steps as a four-phase process:
- Therapeutic Forgiveness Uncovering Phase
- Identifying the hurt and resentment
- Recognizing how the offense affects emotions and behaviors
- Understanding the consequences of holding onto anger
- Decision Phase
- Acknowledging that forgiveness is a choice
- Deciding to commit to the process
- Work Phase
- Developing empathy and understanding toward the offender
- Reframing the situation in a way that reduces emotional distress
- Engaging in acts that symbolize letting go (e.g., journaling, writing a letter)
- Deepening Phase
- Finding meaning in the pain and personal growth
- Recognizing personal benefits (e.g., emotional freedom, improved relationships)
- Solidifying forgiveness as a long-term emotional stance
Does Therapy for Forgiveness Work?
Numerous studies suggest that therapy for forgiveness is effective in improving mental health, reducing stress, and enhancing overall well-being. Some benefits include:
- Reduced depression, anxiety, and PTSD symptoms
- Lower blood pressure and improved heart health
- Stronger interpersonal relationships and greater emotional resilience
- Decreased anger and hostility
- Increased self-esteem and life satisfaction
However, therapy for forgiveness is not about excusing or forgetting but rather about releasing emotional burdens. It may not be suitable for everyone, especially in cases where ongoing harm or danger is present.
Case Example 1: Forgiveness Therapy for an Adolescent
Client Background
- Name: Sarah (fictional)
- Age: 16
- Presenting Issues: Anxiety, anger, trust issues, low self-esteem
- Family History: Her parents divorced when she was 8, and she has had limited contact with her father since then. He made promises to visit but rarely followed through. Sarah feels abandoned and unworthy and struggles with relationships due to fear of rejection.
Forgiveness Therapy Steps
- Therapeutic Forgiveness Uncovering Phase (Exploring the Hurt)
- Sarah works with me to recognize and express her emotions—anger, sadness, and resentment toward her father.
- She journals about broken promises and missed milestones (e.g., birthdays, school events).
- I help Sarah identify how her pain affects her daily life—lack of trust in others, emotional withdrawal, and self-doubt.
- Decision Phase (Choosing to Forgive)
- Sarah explores that forgiveness is for her healing, not necessarily for her father.
- She doubts: “Why should I forgive someone who doesn’t care?”
- I help her understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing his actions but freeing herself from emotional pain.
- She agrees to try the therapy for forgiveness process, knowing she can take her time.
- Work Phase (Building Empathy & Letting Go)
- Sarah learns about her father’s past—his struggles with financial insecurity and emotional unavailability due to his own childhood trauma.
- She imagines him as a flawed person rather than just “the father who abandoned me.”
- Through guided exercises, she writes an unsent letter expressing her hurt and her desire to let go of the resentment.
- She practices self-compassion, realizing she is not to blame for his absence.
- Deepening Phase (Finding Meaning & Moving Forward)
- Sarah acknowledges her pain but also recognizes her strength in overcoming it.
- She sets boundaries—she may choose to reconnect with her father in a limited way, or she may decide to emotionally move on without contact.
- She engages in a symbolic act of release (e.g., tearing up the letter, releasing a balloon, or a small personal ritual).
- Over time, she experiences reduced anger and greater self-worth.
Outcome
- Sarah no longer lets her father’s absence define her self-worth.
- She still feels moments of sadness but is no longer consumed by resentment.
- She builds healthier relationships, trusting that she is valuable even if some people let her down.
Case Example 2: Acceptance and Forgiveness Therapy for an Adult
Client Background
- Name: Lisa (fictional)
- Age: 32
- Presenting Issues: Anxiety, difficulty in relationships, low self-worth, deep-seated resentment toward her mother
- Family History: Lisa was raised by her teenage mother, who was emotionally unavailable and often left her alone for long periods while working or socializing. Lisa experienced neglect—she lacked emotional support, stability, and sometimes even basic care.
Forgiveness Therapy Process
- Uncovering Phase of Therapy for Forgiveness (Exploring the Hurt & Consequences)
- Lisa acknowledges the depth of her resentment toward her mother.
- Through guided journaling and our sessions, she reflects on painful childhood memories—feeling invisible, longing for affection, and learning to care for herself too early.
- She realizes how this pain affects her adult life—difficulty trusting others, fear of abandonment, and a tendency to overcompensate in relationships.
- She expresses anger, sadness, and disappointment, recognizing that these emotions are valid.
- Decision Phase (Choosing to Forgive for Herself)
- Lisa struggles with letting go—”Why should I forgive someone who never really showed up for me?”
- I explain that acceptance is not about excusing neglect but freeing herself from the emotional burden.
- Lisa decides to begin the process, knowing she can do it on her own terms and at her own pace.
- Work Phase (Building Empathy & Letting Go of Resentment)
- Lisa explores her mother’s perspective—not to justify the neglect but to understand the circumstances.
- She learns that her mother was overwhelmed as a teenager, lacked support, and had her own unresolved traumas.
- Through guided imagery, she imagines her mother as a young, scared girl rather than “the mother who failed me.”
- She writes an unsent letter expressing both her pain and her acknowledgment that her mother was struggling, too.
- Lisa also works on self-compassion—realizing that her childhood neglect was not her fault and that she is worthy of love.
- Deepening Phase (Finding Meaning & Moving Forward)
- Lisa recognizes her resilience—how she became independent and emotionally aware despite her past.
- She decides on healthy boundaries—she may choose limited contact with her mother, an honest conversation, or simply an internal shift toward peace.
- She engages in a symbolic act of release (e.g., burning the letter, planting a tree, or practicing a mindfulness ritual).
- Over time, Lisa experiences emotional relief, less resentment, and a greater sense of control over her life.
Forgiveness Therapy Model Results
- Lisa no longer allows her past to dictate her present relationships and self-worth.
- She acknowledges the hurt but does not carry the weight of resentment daily.
- She builds healthier relationships, learning to trust and receive love without fear of abandonment.
Therapies That Can Be Integrated with Therapy for Forgiveness
I combine forgiveness therapy with several other therapeutic approaches to enhance emotional healing and address underlying psychological issues. Some of the most effective integrations include:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Therapeutic Forgiveness
- Helps individuals identify and reframe negative thought patterns about the offender.
- Reduces cognitive distortions (e.g., “I’m unworthy because they hurt me”).
- Uses behavioral strategies to cope with anger and resentment.
- Can be combined as mindfulness based cognitive therapy.
- Trauma-Focused Therapy (e.g., EMDR, TF-CBT)
- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Helps process traumatic memories associated with betrayal or neglect.
- Trauma-Focused CBT (TF-CBT): Addresses PTSD symptoms while incorporating forgiveness as a step in emotional recovery.
- Encourages acceptance of painful emotions without letting them control behavior.
- Uses mindfulness techniques to help individuals detach from resentment and focus on personal values.
- Explores deep-seated emotional wounds and unresolved conflicts.
- Examines how past relationships influence current emotional responses to hurt.
- Like therapy for forgiveness, it helps individuals gain insight into unconscious patterns of resentment and anger.
- Encourages self-compassion as part of the forgiveness process, similar to therapy for forgiveness.
- Uses exercises to develop empathy toward oneself and the offender without minimizing harm.
- Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) & Meditation
- Uses mindfulness techniques to reduce anger and emotional distress.
- Encourages non-judgmental awareness of thoughts and emotions related to past harm.
- Helps individuals reframe their personal stories in a way that promotes empowerment and healing.
- Encourages externalizing the problem (e.g., “resentment is something I can change” rather than “I am resentful”).
- Interpersonal Therapy (IPT)
- Focuses on how interpersonal relationships contribute to emotional distress.
- Helps individuals set healthy boundaries with those who have hurt them.
- Uses gratitude and strengths-based techniques to shift focus from pain to growth.
- Encourages therapeutic forgiveness practices like journaling about personal resilience.
Conclusion and My Work
Forgiveness therapy is a powerful approach that offers individuals a path to healing by addressing deep-seated emotional wounds. It does not require excusing harmful actions but instead empowers people to release the burden of resentment for their own well-being and strength. We can work to rebuild emotional resilience, improve relationships, and lead healthier, more fulfilling lives.
If you have any questions about therapy for forgiveness, or the unique acceptance and forgiveness therapy steps that might work for you or a loved one, don’t hesitate to contact me or schedule a consultation anytime.
