Couples can become entangled in negative stories about their relationships—stories that define them by their conflicts rather than their strengths. Narrative couples therapy, rooted in the work of Michael White and David Epston, offers a transformative approach by using specially designed strategies that help partners separate from their problems and rewrite their relationship story to foster connection, understanding, and growth. Narrative therapy for couples views problems not as intrinsic to the individuals but as external influences that shape interactions and perceptions. In sum, narrative therapy interventions for couples can be powerful and effective, especially for people who have been together for a while.
Narrative Couples Therapy Process
Partners often say, “We are always fighting,” or “We just don’t communicate well,” reinforcing a rigid and problem-saturated story. Through narrative therapy for couples, we’ll challenge these limiting stories, explore alternative stories, and highlight moments of resilience and love that have been overshadowed by conflict. By externalizing issues and identifying preferred ways of relating, you can regain agency in shaping your relationship to align with your values and aspirations. This treatment is also used for individual and family therapy, particularly around life transitions and longstanding conflict or sibling or parent estrangement.
Narrative Couples Therapy Overview 
Narrative therapy for couples is a powerful approach that helps partners reframe their relationship challenges by examining the core stories they tell about themselves and each other. Instead of seeing people as “stuck” in conflict, it encourages partners to explore alternative stories emphasizing strengths, shared values, and possibilities for change. This method is closely aligned with positive psychology.
Core Narrative Therapy Interventions for Couples
- Externalization exercises: Naming and describing the problem as separate from the core relationship
- Re-authoring conversations: Highlighting positive relationship moments and resilience
- Letter writing: Writing to the problem or to each other from a new perspective
- Mapping the influence: Examining how a problem affects the couple and how they respond to it.
See the next section for more information about narrative therapy interventions for couples, including examples of what each intervention does.
Narrative Therapy Interventions for Couples
This therapy method helps partners reshape their relationship stories by separating problems from their identities and fostering new, constructive narratives. Here are some key techniques used in narrative therapy for couples:
- Externalization
- Narrative therapy interventions for couples help partners see the problem as separate from themselves.
- Example: Instead of saying, “You’re always so critical,” reframe it as “Criticism has been getting in the way of our connection.”
- Partners work together against the issue rather than against each other.
- Re-Authoring Conversations
- Narrative therapy interventions for couples encourage partners to identify moments when the problem was not present or when they successfully navigated challenges.
- Example: “Tell me about a time when you handled conflict in a way that made you feel close.”
- It helps shift the narrative from a problem-saturated story to one that highlights strengths and resilience.
- Mapping the Influence
- In narrative therapy for couples, partners explore how the problem affects their relationship and individual lives.
- Questions like:
- “How does this issue impact your daily interactions?”
- “What does it take away from your relationship?”
- It also examines how each partner responds to the problem, reinforcing their agency in addressing it.
- Exploring Unique Outcomes
- Narrative therapy for couples helps partners identify times when the couple successfully resisted the problem.
- Example: “Can you recall a moment when stress didn’t lead to an argument? What was different that time?”
- This method reinforces positive behaviors and alternative ways of interacting.
- Deconstructing Cultural Narratives
- Narrative therapy for couples examines how societal norms and expectations shape the couple’s beliefs and conflicts.
- Example: “How have traditional gender roles influenced how you communicate or resolve conflict?”
- It helps partners create a relationship story that aligns with their values rather than imposed expectations.
- Letter Writing in Narrative Couples Therapy
- Narrative therapy for couples encourages couples to write letters to each other or to the problem itself.
- Example: Writing a letter to “Blame” or “Resentment,” describing its impact and setting boundaries with it.
- Strengthens emotional expression and perspective-taking.
- Creating a Shared Narrative
- Partners work together to craft a new, preferred relationship story using narrative therapy interventions for couples.
- This involves identifying their core values, strengths, and vision for the future.
- Example: “What kind of story do you want to tell about your relationship five years from now?”
These techniques help couples shift from viewing their relationship through a problem-focused lens to one of collaboration, growth, and shared meaning.
Narrative Therapy Questions for Couples
Narrative therapy for couples uses thought-provoking questions to help couples explore their relationship stories, externalize problems, and create new, empowering stories. Here are some key types of questions used in narrative therapy for couples:
- Externalizing the Problem
- “If we were to give this problem a name, what would it be?”
- “How does [the problem] show up in your relationship?”
- “What tricks does [the problem] use to create distance between you?”
- “How do each of you respond when [the problem] appears?”
- Mapping the Influence of the Problem
- “What effects does this problem have on your daily interactions?”
- “When does [the problem] seem strongest?”
- “What emotions or thoughts does this problem bring up for each of you?”
- “How does this issue affect the way you see yourself as a partner?”
- Finding Unique Outcomes
- “Can you think of a time when this problem didn’t take over your relationship?”
- “What were you doing differently in those moments?”
- “What does that say about your ability to handle challenges together?”
- “How did it feel when the problem wasn’t in control?”
- Exploring Dominant and Alternative Stories
- “What story do you currently tell yourselves about your relationship?”
- “How has this story been shaped by past experiences, family expectations, or society?”
- “What story about your relationship would you rather tell?”
- “What qualities do you each bring to the relationship that are often overlooked?”
- Reauthoring the Relationship Story
- “If your relationship were a book or movie, what title would it have now?”
- “What title would you like it to have in the future?”
- “What values or themes would you like your relationship story to focus on?”
- “Are there small steps you can take to move toward the story you want to create?”
- Strengthening Connection and Positive Identity
- “What do you appreciate most about your partner that you don’t express often?”
- “What first drew you to each other, and do you still see those qualities today?”
- “When do you feel most connected, and how can you create more of those moments?”
- “What shared goals or dreams do you have that you’d like to revisit?”
These questions help partners move away from blame and conflict, uncover hidden strengths, and, hopefully, rewrite their relationship stories more positively.
Case Example
James and Lisa, a married couple in their early 40s, seek therapy due to ongoing conflicts over communication and trust. Lisa feels that James shuts down emotionally, while James believes Lisa is too critical. Over time, they have developed a negative core story: “We are just not compatible.”
Step 1: Externalizing the Problem in Narrative Couples Therapy
Instead of seeing each other as the problem, I help them externalize it.
- Me: “What if we gave this struggle a name? If this communication pattern were a character in your story, what would it be called?”
- James: “Maybe ‘The Wall’—because I shut down and block her out.”
- Lisa: “I see it as ‘The Critic’—because I always feel like I have to correct things.”
By naming and externalizing the problem, they start to see it as something they can work against together rather than blaming each other.
Step 2: Mapping the Influence of the Problem
I explore how “The Wall” and “The Critic” impact their relationship.
- Me: “When does ‘The Wall’ show up most?”
- James: “Whenever Lisa brings up something she’s upset about, I feel attacked and shut down.”
- Me: “And Lisa, when do you notice ‘The Critic’ taking over?”
- Lisa: “When James pulls away, I feel unheard, so I push harder.”
This cycle becomes clear: Lisa’s criticism triggers James’s withdrawal, and his withdrawal triggers more criticism.
Step 3: Exploring Unique Outcomes
I help them identify moments when the pattern didn’t dominate.
- Me: “Can you remember a time when you talked about a tough issue without ‘The Wall’ or ‘The Critic’ interfering?”
- Lisa: “Actually, last week, we had a great talk about parenting without arguing.”
- James: “Yeah, because we were relaxed and not stressed.”
- Me: “What did you both do differently in that moment?”
By highlighting exceptions, the couple starts seeing their ability to communicate well.
Step 4: Reauthoring the Relationship Story
I help them co-create a new story.
- Me: “What if we rewrite your relationship story? Instead of ‘We’re not compatible,’ what new story could fit better?”
- James: “Maybe ‘We’re learning to communicate better.’”
- Lisa: “Or ‘We’re a team, even when we struggle.’”
They now focus on their ability to grow rather than feeling doomed by past patterns.
Step 5: Strengthening the New Narrative
I assign a homework exercise:
- Each partner writes a letter to “The Wall” and “The Critic,” setting boundaries with them.
- They practice a daily appreciation exercise, expressing one positive thing about each other.
Outcome and Next Steps
Over time, James and Lisa use narrative therapy interventions for couples to begin recognizing their communication strengths, reducing blame, and seeing their struggles as external challenges rather than inherent flaws in their relationship.
My Work with Narrative Couples Therapy
Narrative couples therapy is not about erasing past struggles but reclaiming the power to define one’s relationship beyond the problems. When you learn to rewrite your shared story, you shift from feeling stuck in conflict to recognizing your ability to create change. By externalizing issues, identifying strengths, and constructing new core stories based on mutual respect and understanding, partners can foster a renewed sense of connection.
Key Aspects of Narrative Therapy for Couples:
- Externalizing the Problem—Instead of blaming each other, narrative therapy for couples teaches them to see the issue as something outside of themselves. For example, instead of saying, “You’re so controlling,” a partner might say, “Control has been interfering in our relationship.”
- Rewriting Negative Stories – Many partners develop rigid, negative narratives about each other over time (e.g., “We always fight” or “You never listen to me”). Narrative couples therapy helps them identify exceptions and create new, more empowering narratives.
- Exploring Dominant and Alternative Stories—Partners often get stuck in dominant, problem-saturated stories about their relationship. Narrative therapy interventions for couples help them uncover alternative stories that highlight resilience, love, and moments of connection.
- Deconstructing Cultural and Social Influences – Many relationship struggles stem from societal expectations (e.g., gender roles, cultural norms). Narrative therapy helps couples critically examine these influences and redefine their relationships on their own terms.
- Strengthening a Shared Narrative – Through guided conversations, narrative couples therapy helps them co-author a new story that emphasizes their hopes, values, and vision for the future.
Goals, Process, and Contact
Ultimately, narrative therapy empowers partners to move forward not as adversaries but as co-authors of a meaningful and evolving relationship story—one that honors their struggles while emphasizing their capacity for love, growth, and resilience. As a psychologist, my role is to guide this process, helping people recognize that they are more than their challenges and that they can write a future that aligns with their deepest hopes for their relationship.
In my integrative psychological practice, I often mix narrative therapy for couples with other techniques, including Imago relationship therapy and emotionally focused couples treatment. This form of treatment can easily and effectively be delivered online, which can be particularly helpful when the partners may not always be in the same place at the same time for our sessions. This method usually involves homework, such as discussion or thought homework between sessions.
If you have any questions about narrative couples therapy, how it might work for you, or how narrative therapy interventions for couples might be part of our work together, please feel free to contact me or schedule a consultation anytime. I can also tell you more about narrative therapy for individuals and for family treatment.
