Youth sports parents can be helpful in the sports psychology process. Sports psychology is designed to help athletes look to achieve their highest potential in athletic competition. It includes offshoots such as assisting them to overcome anxiety, get out of a slump, or fix a specific challenge. Parents often ask me what they can do to benefit their youth athletes. Here is my primary advice for youth sports parents:
Expectations and the Youth Athlete
There is a delicate balance between expectations and the youth athlete. On the one hand, your high expectations show you have confidence in the child and, assuming they are accurate, they provide them with a model of setting high but achievable goals. However, parents and coaches must ensure their expectations resonate with the youth athlete. If the child feels unrealistically high, they may tune you out or develop anxiety about reaching them. The latter is a problem because it can work against the athlete by creating anxiety.
As a youth sports parent, your best approach is to let the athlete set their own goals, and even when you feel that they are setting the bar too low, tell them you’ll be proud if they accomplish that. Let them learn that they can outperform their goals.
Youth sports parents: What to Say and Do
Here’s the short version: Do not prescribe an expectation. From a youth sports psychology perspective, you want your child to strive for their goals. By prescribing an expectation, the goal becomes your goal, and there is added anxiety about living up to your standards.
More to the point: Focus on the journey!
In other words, motivate them to practice, learn new things, and use whatever techniques work for them to relax and focus. You do not need to be involved in sport-specific goal setting. That is the job of the coach. Many youth athletes want to do extra training outside of their organized practices and games, and you can provide the information but do not pressure them.
Here is some excellent advice from The Association of Applied Psychology.
Advice for Youth Sports Parents: A Checklist
Here is a checklist you can use so that you play an effective and influential role in your child’s sports journey:
- Be supportive no matter the outcome. Focus on how much s/he enjoyed the competition. Stay positive. In almost every case, your child knows what s/he did right and wrong, and if not, you need to be sure you trust the coach to communicate that.
- Do not ask leading questions, such as “Did you reach your goals” and “How do you think you did.” These questions can inadvertently have a tone that can be read as disappointment or pressure. Instead, you can ask whether the coach gave feedback.
- Give feedback that is not specific to the sport, such as “You looked like you were working hard out there” or “I saw you pat {another player} on the back after a good play. As a parent, you are there to notice and talk about the life lessons but leave the coaching to the coach.
- Make sure you look attentive and interested but relaxed and comfortable on the sideline. Kids pick up on any bit of anxiety or disappointment.
- As soon as s/he is old enough, have them communicate with the coach, and be careful not to dictate too much of what is said. Until then, your communications with the coach should be designed to learn and inform, not to influence or complain.
- Be careful about cheering. We do not want to suggest that you don’t cheer at all, but remember that your child will assess your cheering – did you seem quieter this time, or were your words of encouragement motivated by disappointment?
Youth Sports Parents and My Services
Please note that I only provide Youth Sports Psychology services when there is a clear synergy between parents’ hopes and goals and the child’s hopes and goals. There also needs to be an agreement between the parents and child about the intensity of sports involvement and, as they get older, the sacrifices necessary. We know that a child’s motivation and confidence may wax and wane, but we make sure that overall the child is happy and on board with the directions that are being chosen when it comes to their sports career. In other words, just because a parent or coach pushes for Sports Psychology does not mean my services are warranted. I have to see genuine motivation from the child or teen.
Performance Psychology should only be used by youth who want to integrate its concepts into other essential aspects of their life, particularly school. I feel that athletes must be students first. Sports can provide tremendous education regarding life lessons, strategy, and teamwork, but formal education is still paramount.
In summary, as a parent of youth athletes, I greatly respect other youth sports parents who support their kids’ hopes and dreams. I know how powerful and wonderful youth sports can be in your child’s life and your family’s experience. I hope I can play a part in making it all more enjoyable, productive, and successful!
Contact me to hear more or see if I might be a fit.
